Evie's First Date

Chuck asked Evie if she would like to go on a date with him. She eagerly nodded her head. She went with me, Grandma, and Lindsey to the nail salon yesterday afternoon. She had a little princess pedicure. (Totally not worth the money I paid for it, by the way). She meticulously picked out purple nail polish for her toes and pink nail polish for her fingers. She sat on the great big chair with her tiny feet dangling just barely into the overfilled foot tub. The sweet pedicurist grabbed her tiny little legs and washed them with a scrub and lotion. Then she applied the precious purple nail polish (called It's So Grape!). Then Evie had her teeny, tiny fingers painted with a pink nail polish (forgot the name, but I'm sure it was something cute and clever as all those O.P.I. nail polishes have fun names). We went home and she wore a fancy maxi dress and I fixed her hair up with a matching bow. She also got to wear perfume for the first time. Daddy went upstairs to put on his fancy attire. He came down and escorted her out of the house, at which point I absolutely insisted on taking a picture of the adorable pair.

Chuck had big plans to take Evie to a very fancy restaurant for dinner, but the place he went to was closed on Sunday night. Instead, Evie picked McDonalds. Chuck was the best dressed person at McDonalds. After Evie slowly ate her Chicken Nuggets, apples, and french fries, she asked, "Daddy, when are we going to go on our date?" Chuck said, "This is it. What else do you want to do on our date?" Evie, "Play." So, Chuck took her to the park. Chuck was the best dressed person at the park. She played on the swing and the slide and all the other playground equipment. After she finished playing, Chuck took her to the grocery store so he could buy her some flowers. Chuck was the best dressed person at the grocery store. She picked out some red flowers and when they got home, he helped her put them in water. Absolutely precious. What a great first date!

I think I need some time away from work. It's all I think about and dream about. I'm really missing my family. They're so supportive of me and my career. This trial stuff will end soon, and we'll all get back to a regular balance, since work is tipping the scales right now. All I want to do is lay my head on my desk and sleep for awhile. Perhaps I can pull a Costanza and crawl under my desk for a sweet little nap.

Luke tried to convince me that he didn't need to go to school today and that he could stay home with Grandma. Uh, yeah right kid. Welcome to the rest of your life.

Afternoon pictures

Have I told y'all lately how much I freakin' adore my children? Snapped some photos of my big baby George this morning. He was very active, so it was tough to catch a photo that wasn't completely blurry. Here he is. I'm convinced he's going to be a doctor because the toy stethoscope is one of his favorite toys (second only to a spoon). Oh, check out his T-shirt. It's super cute! I found it at Gap Kids. It has a little bat with tiny white teeth and it says, "Teething bites" So precious!

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Champagne Thursday. Woohoo!

Grandma showed up to help out again yesterday and I made it home before 7 p.m. What a day! We'll see if I can get home at a reasonable hour again today. It might be a miracle! Of course, the prospect of Champagne Thursday is motivation enough to get home relatively early.

Whoohoo for Champagne Thursday!

Twofer

Luke proudly showed me his penis and "tentacles" yesterday after I had the pleasure of wiping poop off his bottom. Lucky me -- a twofer.

Crossing Guard Nazi

I got yelled at by a crossing guard with an effin' bullhorn this morning when I apparently parked in the carpool lane (behind another car that was parked) about two blocks away from school. All the moms driving by stared me down with dirty looks, clearly stating with their eyes, "Get out of the way you stupid bitch." What a way to start the morning.

Seriously, when did crossing guards start carrying bullhorns so they could shout at parents several blocks away? When I didn't immediately turn around to move my car, he hopped in his spiffy golf cart and started "speeding" my way. I'm not sure I can be trusted to keep my cool if the crossing guard decides to confront me directly about my infraction.

First Day's Report

I got a phone call from Luke about 10 minutes ago. Here are his highlights:

The cafeteria is huge.

There are three playgrounds. Two yellow and one blue.

I sit between . . . . um . . . my friends. I don't know the names.

My teacher stood with me.

Um, Mom, can I tell you something? I played with these peg things that you make decorations with.

He seemed to love it! He sounded happy and totally cool about going back tomorrow. I asked him how lunch was and he said it was good. I asked him if he might want to buy his lunch some time and he said yes. He said he liked his teacher and had fun with his friends Audrey and Vee. I'm so very happy for him . . . and me!

I made it

Yes, yes, my first born started Kindergarten today - the Big K - the Jungle. He's there now! He did great, and so did I - not a single tear - just smiles for both of us!


Saturday we went to the Kindergarten Popsicle Social in the park across the street from the school. We found out the name of his teacher and met a few kids that are in his class. He seemed fairly uninterested in meeting anyone and was primarily focused on the Popsicles and playing on the playground. We found out that Luke will be in the same class with a couple of his friends from Montessori. That makes it a little more comfortable.


Then last night Chuck and I went to the Parents' open house to meet the teacher and get the low down on Kindergarten. They handed me six separate sheets of paper in addition to a packet of school procedures. As the teacher started to go over all the things we needed to remember, a had a sinking feeling as I realized that my life was about to get about 10 times more complicated than I had imagined. All of a sudden I now had to remember what to put in Luke's backpack every morning, what he can and can't wear to school, spirit day is Thursday, show and tell is Friday, a lunch costs $1.50, pack two napkins in his lunchbox, send a water bottle to school every day, check his folder every night, learn the discipline system (1 = talks to much, 2 = didn't raise his hand, etc), visiting rules, sign up to read to the kids one Friday, birthday party procedures, and the list goes on and on. I was still so excited so I bought up a ton of stuff at the PTA store including a "Tanglewood Mom" shirt. I've never ever felt so soccer-momish! Here's a picture of Luke standing by the yard sign I bought last night. Seriously, I've reached new levels of dorkiness.

Here are more fun pictures of our morning.


Luke holding Daddy's hand as we walk to school.



Luke walking up the stairs to School

Luke and his friend Audrey

Luke and his teacher

With all that said, Luke was thrilled to go to school to day and had no hesitation about walking into his classroom. I can't wait to hear how his first day went!

Oh, and here's a picture of little Evie, who was very disappointed that she didn't get to go to school today. The poor girl has to wait two years.

Saturday night fun

Love those Martins!

Still missing my babies. But enjoying the work.

Shout out to Amy, Ashley, and Jenny for the fun evening. Wish we we could do it more often!

Work = Love

Started the day running. Haven't held George in almost three days. This sucks, but it so great to have a job that needs me and to feel like I actually hold value. Love that. Nonetheless, I miss my babies. They keep asking, "Why do you have to go to work?" Ah, my darlings, living in this world is a complicated business. All this working is because I love you so much.

TGIF

I am so ready for Friday to be over. I am still up working and so ready to go to bed so I van get up early and start again. Miss my little ones like crazy!!!!

A good laugh is a great way to start the day.

A friend of mine (shout out to AdayLady) sent this to me and a bunch of my friends this morning and seriously had me cracking up in my office. I'm surprised a few people didn't pop their heads in to see what I was laughing about - lawyers are normally so quiet in my office. Anyhow, I was just about to forward the email and realized, "Ugh! I don't want to annoy anyone - even though they would be fools not to read this." So, I decided to just post the funny email here. Of course, I have my concerns that someone is going to come after me for "publishing" it even though it is entitled "Random Thoughts." It would be my luck that someone actually copyrighted their random thoughts. Disregarding my concerns, I'm posting it anyway. Hope you enjoy the laugh as much as I did this morning:

Random Thoughts.....

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

That's enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again. (Professional Mom's Favorite)

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the hell was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,and you can wear them forever.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories

Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Aghh!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself.

Kids are cute . . . especially when they're asleep!

The kids have taken to sleeping on the floor. What is the fascination? It works out well, because when Grandma visits, she gets one of their beds and the two of them sleep on the floor. The only problem is then trying to get them back in their beds. Therein lies the problem. And I'm too damn lazy to really fight with them about it. They're not hurting me, I guess.
The two of them also like to sleep in their clothes from the day - that stems from Chuck's laziness. And sometimes they ask to "sleep in their tummy" which means sleeping without a shirt on. Absolutely precious, but I have to translate for babysitters before we go out for the evening.

Lindsey is Adjusting

Lindsey has been in the United States almost one whole month! Time really does fly! We LOVE having her here. She's fantastic in every way - and she's really good at the game Taboo.

One of my biggest concerns about Lindsey moving to Texas was how she would handle the heat. Apparently, that isn't as big of an issue as I originally thought. She wears a sweatshirt and jeans almost every day. She's almost always cold! She thinks it is because she isn't used to having an air conditioner in the house, and our a/c is always on. So, no worries there.

She took the kids swimming yesterday and they loved it. She is now George's main squeeze. He smiles whenever he sees her - it's precious. She and the dog cuddle up on the couch every night - and she knows I'm totally jealous. Next week we start to get into full swing when Luke starts Kindergarten. I'm sure we're in for some sort of crazy catastrophe next week - but it wouldn't be my life if it wasn't crazy all the time.

Also of interest is that Lindsey heard the song "Lyin' Eyes" by the Eagles FOUR times in her first week in the States. How weird is that? Last I checked, that song wasn't in the top forty. Weird.

Luke's Favorite Person

Luke's favorite person in the whole world is not his mommy or daddy.

Not Evie or George.

Not his grandma.

Not his friend Savannah.

Not his friend Maddie.

Not Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny.

It is this sweet, beautiful, young lady named Shelby who once lived with us for approximately six months while she finished up her degree at TCU.

Despite the fact that she's a dead ringer for Keira Knightly from Pirates of the Caribbean (sans the accent and a drop of makeup), she is also one of my favorite people too. She is kind, considerate, funny, and so much more. She lived with us when Luke was only three, but he remembers the fact that she would roll him in a blanket like a burrito, throw pillows at him, chase him, play peek-a-boo, and generally entertain him. If I even mention that she's coming over, he gets excited and tells Evie, "Remember!? She throws pillows at us!"

He is like a giddy school girl and, I swear, if he was a poodle he would pee on the floor at the mere mention of her name. Evie was actually too young to remember Shelby because Evie was only just learning to walk when Shelby moved in with us, but Evie even likes to get in on the fun with Shelby.

We don't get to see Shelby much these days because she now lives in Dallas. Still, we cherish our moments with her and always look forward to her visits. She visited us a few months ago and we had to pry Luke off of her when it was time for her to leave.

Here's a video of them hanging out on the couch, spitting on each other - a typical game between Shelby and Luke - filled with love and laughter.

Shelby, thanks for being a part of our lives.

Movie Quote 40

Shout out to my first 10 official followers - you're all VIP's for The Professional Mother.

Here's a movie quote to make you smile this evening. I'm so glad Monday is over.

Baby fish mouth!

Never a dull moment

Do you ever have those moments where you watch your child do something really disgusting or embarrassing (like stick his hand down his underwear) and think to yourself, "Thank God that didn't happen in public?" Yeah? Me too. But worse than that are the moments where your child does something disgusting or embarrassing and you think to yourself, "I can't believe that just happened in public!" Luke was holding his penis this weekend at a friend's house. I asked him if he needed to go potty and he announced, "No, my penis is just going up and down." Thanks for the update, Kid. I guess I asked for it.

Grandma

Grandma drank a whole bottle of wine by herself last night.

Wish I had video footage of the event.

It was priceless!

8 months old

George turned 8 months old yesterday. He has discovered the joys of volume and bouncing.

Where did this come from?

When I considered being a parent, I never thought I would have to say this over and over and over again . . .

"Get your tongue out of your nose."



You can't see it very well by the picture but the tip of her tongue is actually in her nostril. Disgusting, no matter how adorable she is. She has a bad habit of putting her tongue in her nose - particularly when she has a cold. I don't understand why my children have inordinately long tongues, but they certainly do. Chuck and I can't do that, so there must be something about the magic combination of our genes that produces tongues that rival Gene Simmons.

It's really weird.

It wasn't my idea . . .

Some time ago, I mentioned that Luke is obsessed with Snuggies. He really wanted one for his birthday or Christmas. He spent some time with my mom earlier this year and to appease his fascination, she made him and Evie a couple of snuggies. They're nothing fancy, but the kids are crazy for them! I had to start hiding them in the summer, because they want to wear them around all day long. They LOVE them! Every time they come across them in their drawers they have to put them on and wear them all damn day. It doesn't really bother me that they like to wear the snuggies, but when they insist on wearing them to school or to a restaurant I have to put my foot down. This morning Luke found his snuggie and, of course, he had to put it on. When I left, the two of them were running around like a couple of cult members.

Movie Quote 39

Nothing but a movie quote today, and it's an easy one too . . .

You're my boy Blue!

We watched this movie last night and I cracked up through the whole thing. It is a modern classic. I just can't stop laughing. My favorite part is this quote:

I see Blue. He looks glorious!

Unfortunately, writing it, just doesn't do it justice!

I can't believe he didn't know.

I was sorting laundry in our laundry room yesterday and as I sat there, Luke decided to join me. At some point he got bored watching me throw our massive amounts of laundry into piles of colors and he started looking at the door where we hang our ironing board. He looked closely at the door then peering around the ironing board. I looked up and said, "Whatcha lookin' at?" It looked like he may have been looking for a bug or a spider. I wouldn't be surprised if a spider had made its home in our unused ironing board since I don't think we've touched the thing in months and months - maybe years. Chuck and I gave up the prospect of ironing and just started having everything sent to the cleaners about 10 years ago. Probably not a financially sound decision, but just the way we are. So, as Luke continued to stare at the door, he ran his hand up the ironing board, looked at me with sincere interest and asked, "Mommy? What is this?" Confused, I started to get up so I could look behind the ironing board, but before I even got to my feet, I realized that Luke wasn't asking about anything behind the ironing board, he was asking about the ironing board itself. I laughed a little to myself and answered, "That's an ironing board, Luke. Just about every house has one. I'm sorry you didn't know what one was until now." Luke, "What does it do?" Me, "You put your clothes on it and use an iron to straighten the wrinkles out of your clothes." Luke, "Why?" Me, "Because most people don't go around with wrinkles in their clothes like we do." He accepted my answer. I shook my head in shame, but don't let that lead you to believe that I will be ironing anytime soon.

Missing my family

Already billed 60 hours this week. Very tired. Still at work today. Wish I could go home and spend time with my family. I miss them. On the other hand, I'm sure we would all miss our house if I didn't keep working.

John Hughes

RIP. Thanks for the laughs.

We made the paper

We were in the Fort Worth Business Press. Click here to see. Of course, it doesn't look as good as I thought it did. Oh well.

A good read for the morning.

Seriously, you should read Ashley's Closet regarding the loss of their pet fish. I totally see this in my future. Of course, maybe my kids won't be this sensitive since Luke was ready to get a new dog within 24 hours of when Fergi went missing.

Have you ever noticed that magazines, websites, talk shows, etc. have plenty of advice for dressing for your body type, but they never talk about dressing for your body fat? How do I dress my fat???

Ankle Bracelets

I saw two middle-aged ladies wearing ankle bracelets to work this morning. First, is that professional? Second, does anyone wear ankle bracelets anymore? I thought they were just for young folk and something you might wear to the beach or the pool. Please, someone give me the scoop.

AC

AC went out. What great timing - no air conditioning in Texas in August. How lucky are we? What did people do before they had air conditioning?????

Movie Quote 38 and Crazy Family

Lindsey is learning to deal with Chuck's extended family at a family reunion we had this weekend - weirdos, but you've gotta love 'em! She sat next to one of Chuck's second or third cousins (a teenager) at lunch and he spoke to her with a horrible British accent the whole time. At one point he asked her, "Do you just slip into a British accent when you get comfortable?" She said, "Eh, no, I actually am British." He said, "Oh, well, I tend to adopt the accent of the person I'm speaking to. So, if I am around an Irish person I speak with an Irish accent." She said he then started talking in a profoundly horrible Irish accent. I'm sure she was shuddering! She told Chuck that whenever we want to make fun of her accent it is just fine because the experience could never be as painful as talking to the annoying cousin. What kind of dufus just starts talking in an accent and assumes that the person he is talking to is speaking in a fake accent too? Geez! Poor girl.

Also new on the Lindsey front: She doesn't like Pierce Brosnan. Um, can you say "sacrilege?" And this is a quote from her favorite movie:

Hi I'm Cellulite Sally; look at my huge ba-donkey. Don't forget about me, I'm Backfat Betty. Now who could have said that? Oh yeah, it's Tina the Talking Tummy.

To be fair, I had to look up this quote, but it is from a pretty funny part of the movie. Remember to think like a 19-year old when trying to figure out what her favorite movie would be. Surprisingly, I actually own this movie, but Chuck refuses to watch it. He's such an old man.