The Crazy-Ass Auction

As promised, it is time to report on the crazy auction.

First, there were a crazy number of people there. People who don't even have kids at the school attend this event. Crazy? Uh, I think so. Our neighbors down the street have a little boy that doesn't start kindergarten for another year and they said this was their second time to attend the auction. Whoa. I'm just saying. That seems a little overeager in my mind.

Nonetheless, that's more money in the school's pocket that my kid gets to benefit from. So, yee-haw, right? Right.

Let me first tell you about the program. Here's a picture.

The cover should give you a small indication of what is expected at this auction.

There are two pages of listed committee members who put this thing together. There's also a two-page list of sponsors, including a page of Grandparent sponsors - insane. (Mom, you can do this next year).

So, the limo showed up around 6 and we hopped in (after taking pictures - there was a weird prom-sensation as we lined up in front of the limo to take pictures, but we did it anyway). These were fun couples. Turns out the limo isn't even rented. One of the husbands has a partner who owns this limo. I don't know why, but I get the feeling I'm hanging out with people who are out of my league.





We rush into the fray after having some wine and beer on the way to the auction. People scoffed as we all piled out of the limo. I would have done the same thing if I had seen other parents arrive in a limo. Unbelievable, but convenient, responsible, and fun.

The first thing the women did was start bidding on parent parties. The first thing the husbands did was swipe their credit card. No lie. They swipe the credit card and you're done. There's no checking out. Nothing. You just trust these people with your credit card. That was honestly a strange sensation for us.

Chuck and I (well, mostly I) went crazy with the bidding on big board items, parent parties, silent auction items, and teacher-sponsored parties. The only thing we won were the parties. We got outbid on everything else. Everything! Still, we probably dropped at least $500 on the parties alone, and we were not the big spenders. Luckily, the other parents with us were in the same situation for the most part, although one couple won the class art for their kindergartener and second-grader's classes.



This is the art from Luke's class. We couldn't even figure out which one was his, so we definitely didn't buy it.

As for the big unbelievable amounts of money spent on this auction, well, hold on to your hats girls. There were two puppies at the live auction. The chocolate lab sold for $1500 to an acquaintance of ours. The Morkie puppy (cross between a Maltese and a Yorkie) sold for $2,000. And these people had to be riding home that night with a puppy on their laps thinking to themselves as their buzz wore off, "What the fuck did I do?"

The teacher-sponsored activities were also ridiculous. A half-day with the principal went for thousands. The reserved spot in the carpool line went for $3,500. That's unbelievable! Seriously!

I bid for 1/2 a day with Luke's teacher, but I was outbid when someone offered $100. Yeah, not a lot compared to the other numbers I've mentioned, but when you've got 15 other similar bids out there, you get to feel your butt cheeks tighten as you hope you don't win them ALL.



Some of the surprises of the evening include that a U2 Signed Album cover sold for $550, a Taylor Swift signed guitar sold for only $1,000, while a Police signed guitar sold for over $2,000.

The class art for kindergarten included a disc tree swing which sold for $900. Seriously. Nine. Hundred. Dollars. - for a freakin' piece of wood that you sit your kid's butt on.

The Split the Pot part of the evening was fun too, although I didn't participate. The premise is that you buy tickets for $10 apiece and all your tickets go into a pot. They draw 20 tickets at the end of the night and everyone goes up to the front of the room. They draw 15 names out of the 20 and those people have to sit down. The five remaining can decide whether they want to split the pot. If not, they keep drawing names until the last person standing gets to split the pot with the school. There was about $6,000 in the pot at the end of the night, and of course, the last person standing decided to go ahead and donate his winnings to the school. My favorite part of this was the sign where they were selling the tickets. Awesome!

Overall, the night was fun, and the booze was flowing as were the parent's dollars.

Here's a view from our table. This place was packed and the decorations were above and beyond.


And here's a picture of my well-used auction paddle. (Sorry you can't hear the sarcasm that was written in that sentence.)





The auction purportedly raised (and I don't have a confirmation on this) approximately $118,000.00. Yup. Ridiculous.