Is this really part of parenthood?

I was trying to talk to one of my friends online, but I was pulled away. I never ever imagined that parenthood would include me writing the following:

Sorry, I had to run upstairs to find out what crisis was keeping the kids from sleeping. Turns out Luke couldn't get his toenails "off his mind" so he chewed them and chewed one too much so he was crying because it hurt. Where did this child come from???? Gross.

*sigh* Really? This is really part of parenthood? Really?

I guess so.

Taylor

We have a cute little neighbor girl that lives in the guest house next door. (Yeah, not my guest house - we don't have a guest house - the monstrosity of a house next door has a guest house.) So, we only just really met her a month ago and it turns out she's already moving away for a job north of Dallas. So sad. She's so much fun and adores the kids - mostly George. She stops by for wine in the evenings and we chat and talk about her new boyfriend, her ex-fiance, and her family. She is so much fun and we're so sad to see her go already. Isn't it strange how people can so suddenly come into your life and so suddenly leave, and yet you can feel like you've known them forever?

My mom and Chuck's parents met her last night when everyone happened to randomly converge on the house (while I was wearing my pajamas and no makeup). Of course, she was a hit and even gave my mom a hug before she left to go back to her guest house. What luck we have.

Thanksgiving 2010

This was such a long holiday weekend, filled with ups and downs, but the downs really weren't all that bad. However, Thanksgiving 2010 will be now known as Illsgiving in our household.

I started my weekend a little early because my Mom, who is visiting from Houston, called me at work to tell me that she was having pain in her left shoulder and my sister (who is a nurse) said we needed to get it checked out to make sure it didn't have anything to do with her heart. So I picked her up and hauled her to an emergency care clinic where we met the nicest doctor I've ever met. He said that he thought it was probably her rotator cuff, but couldn't rule out any cardiac implications so he sent us to the emergency room, by saying "If it was my mom, I'd tell her to go to the er and make sure she's okay."

We went to the emergency room (dreading the inevitable long wait) and to our surprise, there was no one there! Not a single person. She walked right up and was ushered back for evaluation. Anyway, she was evaluated and after several hours, she went home after receiving a steroid shot which relieved her pain almost completely! We were so glad it was nothing serious.

In fact, we went and had Mexican food and margaritas afterward.

Thursday morning, Evie woke up and her eardrum had ruptured. I took her into the pediatrician's office and they prescribed another antibiotic to replace the one she received that Monday for her ear infection. Looks like we may be headed for a third set of ear tubes. Ick.

Thursday at 11 a.m. we went to the Fort Worth Club for our Thanksgiving brunch. Thank heaven we did that this year. It was wonderful. The spread was beautiful and the food was delicious. The very best part was that we didn't have to wash a single dish after dinner.

George has started giving real kisses.
Adorable and irresistible!

The rest of the day was filled with football! Go Aggies!

Chuck and I tackled Black Friday by waking up at 4:30 and heading out to Walmart to pick up some extra special gifts. It wasn't too bad. We shopped until about 10:30 and were exhausted when we got home. Unfortunately, George came down with a fever that day too. Poor kid. I think he caught a rotavirus, which involves high fever, rash, and nasty pooping. (After three kids, I can actually diagnose some of this stuff without a doctor.) He seems to be better now, but he wasn't able to go with us to see the Fort Worth Parade of Lights that evening. It was probably better that way because we were out late watching the wonderful parade with our friends Aaron & Stacey and their son Eli. We went to dinner afterward and I'm pretty sure George would have been exhausted and no one would have had any fun. As it was, we had a blast despite the fact that the kids were practically asleep in their chairs during dinner. Wish I had pictures of the parade. We've lived here in Fort Worth for 13 years and we've never been. I'm pretty sure we'll be going religiously in the future!

The rest of the weekend was filled with lots of Christmas decorating. Two trees, the entire outside, the inside, poinsettias, garlands, mantles, kids' room, everything. I still have some additional things to add to the overall effect, but it was a very full FIVE days. Can you believe that? It's like a whole vacation! I loved it, but I could have done without all the illness!

Movie Quote 75

This is a Thanksgiving movie quote. Actually, it is more of a conversation, but I love it. I hope you enjoy it a little bit too and at least get a chuckle out of it at my expense, because I, too, am a "thief."

Main Character: Sir?... Sir?... Sir? [runs to man] Excuse me. I know this is your cab, but I'm desperately late for a plane, and I was wondering if I could appeal to your good nature and ask you to let me have it.

Thief: I don't have a good nature. Excuse me. Cabbie, come on.

Main Character: I'll offer you 10 dollars for it.

Thief: [scoffs] Nuh!

Main Character: Okay, 20! I'll give you 20 dollars.

Thief: I'll take 50.

Main Character: [Main Character pauses, then begins to take money out] All right.

Thief: Anyone who'd pay 50 dollars for a cab, would certainly pay 75.

Main Character: Not necessarily... [reluctantly agreeing] All right. $75. You're a thief!

Thief: Close, I'm an attorney.

Main Character: Have a happy holiday.

Thief: This'll help!

Also, the main character is one of my actors. Love his movies!

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

You Can't Believe "Crazy"

In case you wanted to know the craziness that Chuck calls "team spirit" for Texas A&M, here you go.

He is sawing the horns off of a flaming longhorn skull. This is a tribute to the Texas A&M Aggies sawing the horns off of their rivals, the Longhorns of t.u. (University of Texas).

Here's another angle:

Random Pictures

Remember Big Chocolate?
Well, the season ended a couple weeks ago, and Dominique sent Luke this:


Uh, yeah, he's soooo excited!
We're going to miss watching that big guy play.
He is a sweetheart!

And here are some other pics just for fun.

First one is called "Luke's Way Into The Will"


Second one is called "The Happy Couple"

(Evie has told us that she won't get married when she's older because she's already married to Walter.)

The last is called, "Cute Tushie!"

I can't help myself! It's so pinchable!

The M-word

We are reading "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" at our house this week. Have you read it? I can't believe I haven't ever read it. So many people have recommended it so I picked up a copy at the bookstore a couple weeks ago and decided to make it our first "Chapter Book" as Luke calls it. So far, it's pretty funny and cute, but it got a whole lot funnier last night as we began the explanation of the Christmas Story.

One of the "bad" kids, Imogene Herdman, says "My God!" in the book a lot. And I mean a lot. It's pretty funny, but it feels awkward reading a book that says "My God" in it so many times to my 5 and 6 year-old kids. Still, it's not like they haven't heard that (and worse) from me and Chuck. So, last night I read this part of the story to Luke and Evie after dinner:

"... and when Mother read about there being no room at the inn, Imogene's jaw dropped and she sat up in her seat. 'My God!' she said. 'Not even for Jesus?'"

The words out of these kids' mouths are so funny. If you want to see some of the highlights, click HERE and then go get the book. It's so cute!

So, anyway, I read the bit with Imogene swearing and I thought it would be prudent to explain to Luke that she was swearing and he shouldn't say such things. He leaned close to me and said, "I know what bad word she said." He looked at me and nodded. I tipped my head to the side in question so he answered, "It was the M-word."

I furrowed my brow and wrinkled my nose, "The M-word? What is that?"

He leaned in closer with deep seriousness and whispered as quietly as he could, "mygod."

I leaned back and looked at him as he again nodded his head solemnly and I said, "Ohhh. I see. Yes, that is a bad word." I continued, "Yes, we shouldn't say that word because it is taking the Lord's name in vain."

Now, as I'm saying this to Luke, I began debating two things in my head:

1. Should I explain that "mygod" is not a singular word or name, but the combination of the two words, "My" and "God", so that Luke understands exactly what the M-word is? AND
   
2. How do I explain what "taking the Lord's name in vain" means?

I decided to go ahead with the first question and try to avoid the second question. Of course, I ended up making feeble attempts to explain both because Luke jumped on the "in vain" part and insisted on wanting to know what it meant.

I set the book down, pulled Luke close and said, "Luke, I want you to understand why the M-word is a bad word. It isn't actually one word. It is the combination of saying the word 'my' and the word 'God'. " In my head I had to start figuring out how to explain that it is okay to say "my God" in church, but not anywhere else. I continued, "When someone says 'My God' when they are upset about something it is considered to be taking the Lord's name in vain--in a bad way. We really don't want to do that so we need to not say 'My God'." I started to realize that I was saying the M-word way more than I ever do.

Luke seemed receptive to the entire explanation and at least very aware that saying the M-word was not good, even if he didn't really know what the M-word was. (Quite frankly, when I was little, I didn't know why "fuck" or "twat" were bad words, among other things. So, I guess I can't fault him for this.)

So at the end of my explanation (or at least, when Luke was finished with my explanation), Luke said, "Okay Mom. I won't say . . ." and he leaned in and whispered clearly in my ear, "mygod."

With slight resignation and the realization that my explanation rang hollow, I said, "Good Luke. That's a good idea."

So the M-word will not be said in our house and will, I think, from now on be referred to as the "M-word."

Fat toes

I am ashamed to admit that I am vain to the extent that I hate having fat toes. Yes, I really have fat toes. I won't deny that I'd rather have fat toes than a fat butt, but it is admittedly depressing to have fat toes.

Ridiculously busy at work. Sorry for no posts. Please don't abandon me. I promise I'll be back with pictures and stories soon!

Evie's Art

Evie loves her art. Here are two of her original works. She's gonna be famous one day - so sure of it!

Moo, Ssss, Meow, Ruff

Soccer Scrimmage

Yesterday evening at 5:30 was Luke's last soccer practice for the season. As such, the coach told all the parents to come to practice prepared to play in a scrimmage with the kids: parents vs. boys. Chuck handles Evie's practice and I always handle Luke's practice. So, I showed up in tennis shoes, running shorts and my bright pink Tony Romo t-shirt (I can be such a girl) ready for a quick scrimmage. On our way to the park I explained that we were going to play a soccer scrimmage against each other. Luke was fascinated and impressed.

He asked, "Mom, do you think you're going to win?"

I sighed heavily and responded confidently, "No."

He cocked his head to the side and with sympathy and understanding in his voice he responded, "Because you're a girl?"

My eyes widened as I yelped, "WHAT? Did you really just say that?"

He looked confused.

I continued, "No! I can't believe you just said that."

He started to smile, knowing that he'd managed to rile me up, but not quite knowing how he did it.

I said, "No. Not because I'm a girl. I was thinking more because I'm OLD. You better take back the bit about me being a girl."

He smirked at me as I glanced at him in my rear view mirror.

I narrowed my eyes, "You better take it back or I'm going to get you when we get to the field." I sounded like a six-year old myself.

He laughed.

I sobered, "No seriously. Take it back."

He laughed some more.

He took it back before we got there, though. Good boy.

So, the Coach warned that any parent would be expected to play unless they were holding a baby. I was the only mom that showed up. The other parents that showed up were dads, and some moms just dropped their boys and bolted. Yup, I'm a sucker.

So I went out on the field to play soccer. Now let me tell you that I have played soccer in the past. I hate it. I. HATE. IT. I am not an athlete. I'm not meant to be an athlete. I will never be an athlete. Got it? So, when I was coerced to play on this co-ed soccer team many years ago, the guys on the team instructed me to stand by the goal and they would kick the ball as hard as they could at me so that it would bounce off of me and into the goal. The purpose of this is because if a girl scored a goal, the team got two points, whereas if a guy scored the goal, the team only got one point. So, I was basically like one of those parts in a pinball machine where the ball bounces off of me to go to the right spot. It hurt. It was humiliating. But I did it, because I recognize that as a stationary object I was fulfilling my maximum athletic ability.

With that said, I tried to play last night. In doing so, Luke took me on at every turn and spent a fair amount of time trying to do fake karate and punches on me. Not a whole lot of fun and I'm pretty sure not allowed in the rules of soccer. Anyhow, at one point the two of us were running after the ball together and out of instinct I grabbed his arm to keep him from getting the ball. He fell to the ground and the ball went out of bounds.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I took down my own six-year old son.

Then I heard the coach say, "Time out. Did everyone see what happened here?" All the boys stopped and the coach continued, "Mrs. B tripped another player." I started to giggle in embarrassment. Other than Luke, the boys were not offended by my actions. Luke, on the other hand, was pissed and crying, as he said, "You pushed me down!" I cringed and tried to slink down as small as I could get. I apologized, pulled him up off the ground and dusted him off.

Luke got to take a penalty shot because his mom fouled him. I suck.

The rest of the game, Luke defended me (continuing his karate chops) and lectured me on what I could and could not do in the game of soccer, emphasizing that I could not trip another player.

After that game I ran home, showered, and headed out to a party for one of my organizations. Let me tell you that my entire body hurts today from my athletic endeavors of the day before.

Ouch. I definitely got my comeuppance.

Most people are smarter than me.

I received an email from Pottery Barn with the following Subject:

• Free monogramming and shipping on select gifts and holiday decor!‏

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why Pottery Barn was offering free mammograms.


** To be fair, I did just get done reading an email from a friend who was just diagnosed with breast cancer and liver cancer (all after having been "cured" of colon cancer a few years ago).

Saving my Sleep

Good morning Monday. I love when the time changes in the Fall. I spent several minutes cuddled up with my two oldest little ones since they woke up long before I had to be up and at 'em, ready to face the day. It was fantastic. I love waking up when the sun is shining. I love taking my time. I love everything about gaining an hour in the fall. I think I was meant to be on Standard Time.

Here's a little interesting tidbit: Did you know that England changed back some time ago? I thought that everyone that was in on this "Daylight Saving" crap would actually change their clocks at the same time. Who knew? - Well, probably a lot of you out there, but not me.

Here's hoping that this week is better than last week!

Hello Hollywood!

As Chuck's agent, I will take all calls from Hollywood.

His television debut has blown us all away.

Just click here to see it.

It effing hurts!

Can't sleep. Pretty sure I broke the tip of my little finger and the pain is keeping me awake. It makes me wonder how bad-ass Bruce Willis could get his ass kicked on Die Hard and still keep fighting through the pain. Yes, I realize he is a fictional character, but you know what I mean. I'm clearly a wimp and one punch in a fight would have me out cold. 

"My Kids"

They are adorable.
Every.
Wonderful.
Day.

Lawyers Suck

May I just say that lawyers are assholes? I can't imagine being married to one. I seriously hate that I have to deal with lawyers all day long. They're such reptiles -- all slimy and slithery -- like the devil in the Garden of Eden. Yick.

Okay, really there are good lawyers out there -- honest and upright -- like me. But damn, the crappy, mean lawyers give the rest of us a bad name and a bad day.


** Okay, I've calmed down now. **

Tired of being sick.

Got some antibiotics. Hopefully on my way to health. Ick.

Movie Quote 74 & Bobcat Badge

Luke is a Cub Scout.

Last week he got his Bobcat Badge.

He is so funny.

He was so mad when I had to wash off the paint before he went to bed.

You know I'm new to this parenting thing -- at least when it comes to being the parent of a six year old boy. I'm honestly surprised by a lot of things all the time. Most recently, I was surprised by what it took to earn this badge. Part of earning his Bobcat Badge involved having to discuss how no one should touch his private parts, among other things. It seemed so odd to have to discuss that with him, but it's probably the smart thing to do, and better now than when it is too late. Lucky for me, Chuck handled the discussion, but I sat in the next room with my eyes wide in shock.

MOVIE QUOTE 73:

On an somewhat related note, everytime I hear "Bobcat" I always think of this movie where the main character says, "I don't do bobcat, but I can do pretzel."

Here's another quote from that movie that Chuck and I say all the time. And I mean All. The. Time.

Well that's just silly. Have you met everyone on the planet?

The Grinch Who Stole Halloween - Bastard!

Son of a bitch! The Grinch Who Stole Halloween struck again! Remember when I posted THIS? And then the next year I posted THIS? I know I'm a bit late with my rant this year, but I've had a lot going on. Nonetheless, it deserves to be noted that my pumpkins were smashed and stolen this year . . . again. WTF?!

On Friday night, I had three pumpkins sitting outside my front door. Two were carved, one was not. And let me tell you that hollowing out a pumpkin and carving it is a two-hour process or more if you factor in the fact that I have three little kids participating in the process and giving "helpful" suggestions while I do it. I happened to have another pumpkin sitting inside my house that I carved Friday night - yes, a THIRD pumpkin. This is all that was left on my front porch Saturday morning.



And I found my two carved pumpkins smashed on the street outside our house.




The whole pumpkin had been stolen. (Perhaps I should be grateful because it prevented me from having to carve a FOURTH pumpkin.)

The kids were confused. I was less pissed than I thought I would be. I guess I'm no longer surprised when the pumpkins are stolen, since this is the third time it has happened in four years. I shrugged it off, took pictures, and proceeded to take the kids to their soccer games. Looks like I'll be writing "Thou Shalt Not Steal" on the back of my pumpkins every year since no one stole the pumpkins last year. Bastard thieves.

Remembering Rachel.