Thursday, October 24, 2013

A Choice

What a beautiful fall day here in Fort Worth!  I'm loving it!

Have I mentioned how much I love fall?  Yeah, well I do.  A. Lot!

All is well here.  Lots of homework and running around for piano lessons, soccer practice, soccer games, boy scouts, girl scouts, and all the other things life entails.  It's such a pleasure even when it's a pain in my ass.  And let me tell you, it is often a pain in my ass.

How much do I really enjoy it though?  Would I consider going back to work?  Well, yes, I'd definitely consider it.  And I did.  Recently.  Last week I was offered a full-time job at a law firm in downtown Fort Worth.  Although it was offered as a flexible position working on contracts (which I love) and accomodating my family schedule, I still turned it down.  I was, of course, ridiculously flattered that this attorney would call and offer me a job.  It truly means a lot to me. 

Before I received the job offer, I had been playing phone tag with this attorney for a couple days.  One afternoon, I was listening to a voicemail from him on speaker phone at home.  I didn't really think about it, but Luke was listening to the message and when the message was over he asked, "What was that all about?"  I looked up at him, surprised that he had even been paying attention (since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were actively fighting evil on the television).  I said, "Well, this attorney owns a law firm and it sounds like he wants me to come work for him and his law firm."

Luke's forehead scrunched up just a little.  He didn't say anything, but turned back to the television.  I paused, and then decided to ask the question even though I was dreading the answer, "Luke? What do you think?  Should I go back to work and being an attorney all the time?"

To my utter shock and surprise, he emphatically responded, "No!"

"Really?!"  Truly, I was shocked.  If you had asked me, I would have told you that my kids didn't give two shits about having me at home and more present in their lives.  I honestly thought they would be just fine -- happy, even -- if I re-employed our amazing nannies to watch them after school.  Because, well, let's face it, those girls are way more fun that I am, and way prettier than I am (and for a 9 y.o. boy those things matter).

In my utter bafflement, I paused the reptilian ninjas on the television to get Evie and George's attention.  I asked them, "Do you think I should go back to work?"  Both confirmed Luke's opinion saying, "No!" while their heads shook back and forth in an exagerated motion from shoulder to shoulder.

I almost teared up.  Almost, but not quite.  I mean, I still am the cold-blooded attorney I was raised to be in the last dozen years.  Just because it turns out that three little kids like having me around, did not mean I was going to be moved to tears.  But man, was I close.  I still feel a warm feeling in my heart when I think about that moment, when these three kids (with terrible school pictures) told me that they actually like having me around. 

You might wonder why I'm so surprised by this, but if you ask Chuck or anyone who has lived with us, you will know that I turn into a crazy, screaming banshee most mornings as I poke, prod, threaten, harangue, jostle, and push my children out of their beds, into their clothes, through breakfast, and out the door.  It is a "process".  And that's putting it nicely.  And the the "process" continues when they get home: snack, homework (the bane of my existence!), dinner, scouts, soccer practice, piano lessons and practice, and every other thing.  (I'd really like to add baths into that daily chore list, but I have to admit, as winner of Mother-of-the-Year -- nine years running, I hate giving them baths almost as much as they hate getting them, so baths are definitely not a daily occurrence.  I just make sure they aren't the smelly kids in class.  I mean, I do have standards, after all.) 

Obviously, I'm not exactly a Stepford wife and mother.  In fact, there is a huge pile of laundry sitting in the middle of our living room, stacks of dishes piled in the kitchen sink, and papers scattered across the dining room table from our whirl of morning activity. 

With all that said, it's apparantly working for us.  So, for now, but maybe not forever (because who knows what tomorrow holds), I will continue to be a full-time mother and a part-time attorney.  What an amazing blessing I've been given: to have a choice, to be appreciated, to be loved.  How thankful I am.

(still no tears, though)

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