Friday, April 30, 2010

Kid Pics for the Weekend

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Here are some pics of my lovely children, that I know you all are just dying to see.

Exhausted after a full weekend with Grandma.

Evie showing off her school work.

And George hugging Walter.
What a patient dog.

George at the window.
Love it when he's running around naked.

Oh and click here to see a video of Evie dancing at the bowling alley. She cracks me up.

Hmm. Just noticed there's not a picture of Luke. Guess today just isn't his day.

Swim Lessons

Luke and Evie started swim lessons this week at TCU. All went well the first day. Evie and Luke quickly stripped down to their swim suits and joined the group. Very successful!

The next two days were disasters for Evie. She refused to even sit with the group or get in the pool. She has one more chance on Monday to get in the pool before she gets kicked out of the program. So, Evie's social anxiety rears its ugly head and the consequences are upon us. I'm not overly worried about it. I'll give her another year to get older, but we're still trying to convince her that swim lessons are fun and necessary. Anyone have any ideas? We've tried bribery, but it has little effect.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Food Baby

Anyone know the gestation period for a food baby?


George's bath toy.

Lindsey put George in the tub this morning and reached toward the counter to get some toys for him, but when she turned around, he had already found something else to play with. So much for bath toys.

And so it begins. George has found, and firmly embraced, his penis. I don't even think Luke started this young.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Is that really me?

Have you ever randomly seen a picture of yourself and thought, "Who the hell is that fat ass?" Then when you recognize the outfit as your own and realize that it is a picture of yourself, you think in shock and disbelief, "Holy shit! When did that happen?"

Here's one of my pictures.

I think I look like a fat version of my sister. (I say "my sister" because the clothes I'm wearing in the picture remind me of her - weird).

Here's another picture from the same day, where I personally believe I look a lot better. (Notice how I strategically placed the baby in front of me?)

Obviously, I was more aware that someone was taking my picture here, but those candid pictures definitely reveal more of what you actually look like on a daily basis. It's damn depressing. (On a side note, doesn't the fire look fake? It's not.)

One of my best friends from high school had a similar experience that immediately drove her to a diet: She went in for her annual visit to the gyno (what fun, right?), and when she stepped on the scale, the nurse placed the heavier weight on the 100 lbs mark and slid the smaller weight across all the way to the 50 lbs mark, at which point it became apparent that my friend weighed more than 150 lbs. Then the nurse said, "Oooh, garl! I wun't expectin' thahat!" She then slid the heavier weight to the 150 mark, and started the smaller weight back at zero and moved it forward until the scale balanced out.

So now the mantra that my friend recites everytime she is tempted to reach for a cookie or have a second helping is, "Oooh, Girl! I wasn't expecting that!"

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A Toast to Lola

This weekend, we made the decision to give Lola away. I hated to do it, but she and Fergi do not get along. They fight constantly because they are both female and the situation has simply escalated as Lola has gotten older.

It was a difficult decision simply because we really like Lola. She's a good dog even if she is a puppy (I despise all things about puppies except how cute they are, which I'm convinced is the only reason puppies ever survive - they're too cute to actually kill even when you find your brand new shoes all chewed to bits). Anyway, after a few really bad incidents Sunday (in which Fergi got her ass kicked even though she provoked it all), we made arrangements for Chuck to take Lola to his sister's family in Wichita Falls - that night. They have four precious kids and a big backyard. Lola apparently looked a little hesitant when she arrived, but took to the family pretty well. My brother-in-law is one of the most fantastic guys too, so I feel great about her new home.

Fergi is now licking her extensive wounds and trying to recover. Things are pretty quiet at our house now, but I feel so glad that we at least get to keep Walter. And it is great news that we'll actually be able to go visit Lola in Wichita Falls. I just hope she isn't too sad about having to go to a new home. I hope she likes it better than our home. She deserves the love (don't we all?).

Still, I must point out that she was impressive. She would chew on ANYTHING. One night I heard her kicking around a soda can. That was a good chew toy for her. I was shocked. She ate one of Evie's new shoes. I only once caught her with one of my heels in her mouth and I think I got the message through that I would put up with a lot of shit, but I was serious about my shoes. I can't remember moving that fast to protect a shoe before. I guess I'm more girly than I thought. Then there was the night when we saw this.

Me, *sigh*, "What is she chewing on now?"

Chuck glanced down at the dog resting between the two couches our asses have made permanent indentations on. He focused back on the TV as he said, "Who knows." *sigh*

I squinted my eyes, focused, and muttered, "Awe, hell!"

Chuck glanced back, "What?"

I shooed Lola away and retrieved this.

It's the cord to a lamp in our living room. That's right. It's completely severed from the rest of the lamp. Thank God it wasn't plugged in when she chewed it clean off. Otherwise, we would have had a doggie reinactment of the fried cat scene from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Not exactly a promotional story for this book.

Puppies are exhausting.

On a positive note (depending on whether you are Luke or Luke's parents and neighbors), Luke learned to pick up his dog's poop during our time with this puppy.

Disgusting. What a champ. Picking up poop like that usually triggers my gag reflex so I was pretty proud that he could go at it without too much squeamishness.

So, tonight we're drinking a toast to Lola. She'll be missed. She really is sweet. Even I'm going to miss her, and I never even wanted to bring her home. Bless all the lonely puppies out there!
No blog post today.

Anyone missing me yet?

Monday, April 26, 2010

First Communion & Pizza

My godson (who is also my nephew) made his first communion this weekend. Like the sap I am, I teared up. Geez. At least during work hours I'm the cold-hearted bitch I'm supposed to be.

My favorite part of the First Communion festivities was that Nick (my godson) got to choose the menu for the party afterward at his house. I loved that the pizza guy showed up on right on time. Hilarious! All of us adults chowing down on Double Dave's pizza, while the kids were too busy playing with the 1,000,000 toys upstairs to be bothered to eat any of the pizza. Fantastic. I loved every minute.

Thanks to my brother Mike, his wife Lisa and their extended family for the hospitality. And thanks to my Mom for giving us a place to sleep and lots of coffee in the morning. Bless her soul.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Cheer up

Lindsey cheers up my litigation-filled days with random pics of the kids. Here's today's picture.

He's finally getting some hair . . . barely.

It's not mine anymore.

I was just about to give up on this whole dieting thing and accept that I traded in my body for three perfect little bodies.

That would be fine.

I could accept that.

But then I think about those super-skinny MILFs with five kids and realize that I don't actually have to trade in my body just because I have kids.

And having kids isn't exactly a stellar excuse to let myself go. In fact, it is the exact opposite - a stellar excuse to make sure I'm in perfect health so I can live to see my grandkids.

Why can't I do it?


Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Feeling so sick. Got it from the kids, of course. I am so tired that Luke had to wake me up this morning at 7:15. He ended up being enormously late and cried when he got a tardy slip. Poor boy. I walked him to his class room even though he was mad at me for making him late. Now I'm feeling so fatigued. Wish I could just go home and go back to sleep.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Temper, temper and Sour Milk

Just started my Tuesday morning with a mouthful of cereal and sour milk. So much for breakfast. I probably didn't need it anyway. I'll just stick to my coffee.

On another note, look at this adorable picture of my little George.

He had just managed to pull down the curtains in our dining room after doing this.

Little stinker. (Don't worry - there's nothing for him to choke on.) Not sure why he's naked, because he rarely spends his time that way. It seemed to be very disconcerting to Lindsey, but it didn't bother me in the least.

This little guy has a big temper. Today he tried to take down Luke. He was really pissed off at Luke because Luke threw his clothes (another temper -- he didn't want to go to school this morning) and inadvertently hit George with them. I know George wasn't hurt, but he was really, really mad at Luke. I told Luke to apologize and give George a hug, but George just pushed him away and tried to pull him down by grabbing his shirt. Luke looked a little stunned. It would be a little disappointing if the 16 month old baby could take down the 6 year old boy. Luke is going to have to watch out. Looks like George might be ruling the roost when he gets older. Heaven help us all.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Evie and Luke Update

Remember my troubled post about the kids and their failure to thrive in their educational environments? Well, here's the update. Luke is doing okay. He's aware that he needs to concentrate and finish all his work at school, but he doesn't really care one way or another. This weekend the teacher sent home three worksheets that he had to complete. It took him between 1 1/2 - 2 hours to finish the three worksheets while we constantly reminded him that he needed to keep focused on his homework. He's a little better, but there is still some room for improvement.

We also took Evie to the Child Study Center for testing a few weeks ago. They tested her for learning disorders and social disorders. Today we met with the child psychiatrist to learn the results. It was only somewhat disheartening. The good news is that Evie is completely average. She's even slightly higher than average with her verbal scores. Yay Evie!

Although the Dr. ruled out any learning disabilities, there is still some concern about Evie's anxiety level. She has a difficult time in social settings and group activities - remember Evie v. Dance Classes and Dance Class Hell? Yeah, well that's basically what we deal with when we take her to birthday parties or other group activities. It is surprising because she seems fine when we visit our friends houses or go to the playground. The Dr. didn't have too much insight, but gave us plenty of suggestions to help Evie try to cope with her anxiety. The bright side is that the anxiety is not keeping Evie from functioning, so there's no need to seek out medication or to even participate in therapy. The Dr. was quick to point out that Evie's anxiety is pretty mild compared to some and that Evie is still only 4 years old so there is a lot of development that will occur in the next few years.

For now, we're going to practice some techniques that will help Evie try to manage her anxiety. She starts swim lessons next week and that will be the first situation where we can practice these new methods. One method is to have her focus on things that give her comfort. One of those things is actually just Luke himself. Funny, right? We'll also try to find something that she can fit in her pocket since Luke can't be subject to her social calendar for the rest of his life. Luckily, he will be at swim lessons with her. Another thing the Dr. said to do is to have her sing a happy song to comfort her. Anyone have any ideas? "Raindrops on roses . . . whiskers on kittens?" We will also try a small reward system for those times that she is able to overcome her anxiety and participate with a group by herself, even if for just a few seconds or a few minutes. Every time she is successful she can earn a reward such as pennies or stickers - nothing too big.

Now, with that said, it sounds like my child is fully dysfunctional and not able to socialize in any form or fashion. That, however, is not the case. In fact, she is quite wonderfully normal to me. I, myself, despise group functions in the same way she does. I was shy growing up until I forced myself to become outgoing in high school (just ask people that knew me when I was young). It's still an effort. I despise camps or retreats. Hate them. We have this retreat called Bench Bar every year where lawyers get together at a resort over a weekend for continuing legal education and networking. Well, I hate it as much as I've ever hated camp. I hate planned ice breakers. I hate being forced into a situation where I have to "get to know" someone. But, if I have friends there, I LOVE to be social and have a good time. I have overcome my social anxiety and now can force myself to be social even when I'm in a crowd of strangers, but I still don't enjoy it. So, my daughter is like me. She will eventually have to overcome her social anxieties if she wants to be a part of the group. And if she doesn't, then she'll still probably have some really wonderful close friends that know her and love her for herself. And I hope that eventually, once my parenting duties are over, I can be counted among her friends.

So that's the update on my beautiful, wonderful, complex children. Thank you to everyone for your supportive words over the last several weeks, and thank you to Meredith who helped us get into the Child Study Center so that Evie could be tested. We really appreciate everyone's help and love.

And I remind myself that this family is what I love . . .

Everyone hates a Monday.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Bedtime Dress Up

At one point while I was reading a bedtime story to the kids last night, I looked up and saw that Evie had dressed herself up like this.

I couldn't help but laugh. She is so funny - swim goggles, toothbrush and all!
I'm addicted to Words With Friends. Anyone else?

Here are some pictures for In My Head. Seriously addicting!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Movie Quote 59

For your afternoon pleasure! I know my friend Lisa will get this right off, so see if you can beat her to it!

Do you think your Mom is going to notice? Notice that the statue's penis is missing.

This film is great. I can't wait for the kids to watch it.

Crawfish - Now I'm hungry.

We went to a Crawfish boil last weekend and had so much fun. The hurricanes were so yummy! Here are some pictures of the party. My favorite part was when Lindsey actually tried a crawfish. Awesome! Unfortunately, I didn't get a picture.

Here's Luke checking out the crawfish before they were boiled.

My kid wasn't brave enough to touch one.

George reunited with his friend Conley.
He liked her sunglasses.

Apparently she liked them too.

Here's a picture of them at the same Crawfish boil from last year.

Amazing, isn't it?

We had so much fun seeing our friends and hanging out. Can't wait for next year!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

George making me smile.

Here's a little video for you that just makes me smile inside and out.

Cutie pie!
(obviously taken a few months ago when he was less steady on his feet)


I just want to brag to all of you that I went slogging (slow jogging) last night. That's right! I freakin' rock. I even took Walter, my iPhone, and my oversized ass along with me. I'm hoping that the later will soon exit the equation. Walter and the iPhone, on the other hand, were a dream to have along. The music was perfect and Walter and I were in perfect sync as we slogged.

Look at this guy (but not the mess in the background or the unused set of dumbbells).

Even my Mom likes him (and she doesn't really like dogs). He's a perfect slogging companion.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Back to where I was two weeks ago. I should be forced to go to these meetings more than once a week. I think it would help me stay focused.

A New Birthday Tradition

We did a final celebration for Luke's birthday last night. He got a happy meal and after dinner he got a birthday apple (I didn't make a cake, so I grabbed the handiest thing around). He was quite pleased with his birthday apple. Not a single complaint and they thought the candle was funny. This is definitely a new tradition - so much easier than a cake.

Then Luke got to open is presents from his Mom and Dad -- a guitar and a little keyboard. The kid loves music, but his favorite is actually 80's hair band music. Yick, in my opinion. Still, he was thrilled with the guitar and started playing it right away.

I might have a rock star on my hands. George is Luke's number 1 fan as you can see by clicking here to watch my YouTube Video. And Luke looks so serious!

Monday, April 12, 2010


Evie let the dogs into the house the other day and greeted them by saying in a sweet, cheery voice, "Hi bishes!"

I turned around quickly and said, "What did you say?"

Evie innocently said, "Hi. Bishes."

I approached slowly asking, "What do you think that means?"

Evie looked confused.

Me, "I'm not sure what you're trying to say, but I don't think it's what you're meaning to say. Let's go say it to Daddy."

She followed me into the living room and I had her repeat it to Chuck who was watching TV with Lindsey. He already could give a shit less, because he is singularly focused when the TV is on, but I forced him to press pause - I mean hell, we have Tivo, why not use it, right?

Me, "Say it again for Daddy."

Evie was very confused, "I said 'hi. bishes."

Chuck looked confused. Hell, am I the only one who gets what she's trying to say???

I said it more clearly, "She said, 'Hi bishes' to the dogs when they came inside."

Chuck, "So?"

Me, "Seriously? You don't see anything wrong with that? Ugh." I turned to Evie and said, "Evie, I don't think you should use that word anymore. I don't think you mean to say what you're trying to say. Just say 'hi dogs' from now on. Okay?"

Evie shrugged her shoulders. "Okay." Then she trotted away.

I glared at Chuck and whispered, "I think she was trying to say 'Hi, bitches."!!!

Chuck laughed and Lindsey laughed.

Me, "You guys seriously didn't get that out of 'hi, bishes'?"

It is funny hearing it come out of the mouth of this sweet little angel.

You know you're a mom when . . .

. . . you get to work and you find a diaper in your purse.

He's SIX!

It's my brainy boy's birthday today. He turns 6!!! I adore him, just as I adore the other two, but in his own special way. It's amazing how these three children are special and unique. Luke is smart. S.M.A.R.T. No idea why or how he got that way, but he truly is amazing.

We started celebrating yesterday. I took him to get a McDonald's happy meal for his birthday. Then we went to get his hair cut. He looked like this on Saturday.

Then they cut his hair and he looked like this - SO Grown UP!

Turns out he has a birthmark on his head too because there is a patch of dark hair at the back. The hairdresser was sure to point it out because she thought I would try to scrub it out of his head in the bath. She clearly doesn't know me very well.

That afternoon we had bowling party that was filled with chaos. Glad that is over. He and his friends had a good time although they were more interested in making necklaces out of the glowsticks we had for them. Oh well. They're good kids and it was fun. But I definitely had a glass of wine in my hand to get me through. 16 kids is a ridiculous number. What are those Duggars thinking????

Luke even had a bowling cake.

Evie and Chuck played air hockey together.

Luke loved the driving games.

George just liked all the buttons and lights.

Lindsey was an angel to help out with this party!

I'm so lucky to have this boy in my life!

Yes, we both look like dorks in this picture.
Forgive us.