Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
In honor of the golf tournament, here's a classic movie quote:
I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
If you have reached menopause, please refrain from unnaturally having children. I have no basis for these feelings since I can think many logical reasons why someone should be able to have children. But for some reason, it seems wrong and selfish for a woman of 66 to have babies. You will be in your mid eighties when your children graduate from high school. They'll be lucky if you makes it that long. You probably won't have the energy to watch these children. Do you think it is fair to pop out kids who will likely be left motherless at a very young age? I just don't see the sense in it, and can't understand what doctor would perform such a procedure.
That's just my two cents, and I know you didn't ask for it, but it is there for the taking.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Thanks to the Beach Bash group, who are more like family than friends. We come together each year at the beach and forget that we aren’t 22 anymore (which gets more and more painful with each passing year). The most amazing fact is that we can go years without seeing one another, but when we get together it is like no time has passed. We all love each other and can start a conversation without any hesitation. (At least that’s how it feels to me). So, for those of you in the Beach Bash group who are reading this, I thank you for your friendship and I’m grateful for our time together, our laughter, our running jokes, our protectiveness of one another, our acceptance and love for each other, as well as our spouses and children, and for the security of knowing that you will be there when I need you and vice versa.
Lucky for all of us, I never pulled out my camera so I have no evidence of the utter disaster other than a few bruises I'm sporting from beer pong, Miss Kitty's Purple Cow dancing, and sleeping on a crappy pull out couch. Whew. I'm not too old yet, but I'm getting there. By the way, I'm having trouble deciding whether I should honestly tell my friends and co-workers that I obtained my nasty purple bruises through an offensive maneuver against Thomas's shoulder/elbow in a hard-fought round of beer pong or if I should let them all think Chuck hit me. It really is a toss up.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Speaking of Matthew McConaughey, you've got to watch this clip of Matt Damon doing Matthew McConaughey. Soooo funny. I couldn't upload it, so click here.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Anyhoo, that week Chuck put a previously Tivo'ed noggin show on the TV one evening while I was out - (I can't even remember where I was) - and near the end of the show, Chuck took George up to his bedroom and got him ready for bed and put him down. About fifteen minutes later he came down to find that Luke and Evie's show had ended and regular television had turned back on. The TV was on CBS and one of the CSI shows was on. (Yes, I'm cringing too.) The timing worked so that the kids apparently saw the first 10 minutes of the show - you know, the part that shows the gruesome, violent, disgusting, scary crime where one or more persons is is killed? Yeah, my kids saw that. Luke looked at Chuck and said with all seriousness, "Dad, this is not a good show. People die!" Chuck quickly found the remote control and switched the station, but the damage was done.
Soooo, Chuck and I are establishing a mental health fund for our children now. If you are interested in contributing, please let me know. I anticipate years of therapy ahead of them, and not just for this reason.
Monday, May 18, 2009
a train was stuck. Yup, a little motorized Thomas train named Rusty was stuck in her hair. I cried, "Oh BABY!", and quickly told her to come closer so I could help. Remember, I'm still sitting on the toilet (all this happened in the length of time it took me to pee - I wasn't actually conducting a great deal of business). She came closer and I told her to let go of the train so I could try to get it out. As she did, I lifted the train gently away from her head so I could see how thoroughly it was stuck, the train started chugging again - it wasn't turned off! I yelped and quickly flipped the switch to turn it off and evaluated that it would take more effort than I could give it while still sitting on the toilet. I told her to hold onto it so it wouldn't hurt and to wait while I finished my bathroom trip. She started to whimper and gave a little and sniffle, but she held onto the train named Rusty until I was finished.
Now, here's where a good mom differs from me.
I gently led her into the living room, where I found my camera and told her to hold still while I snapped a few shots. Here they are:
Then I led her into the kitchen where I found a pair of scissors and cut the trapped train out of her hair.
She doesn't have a lot of hair to spare, so luckily it wasn't caught in too much and you can't even see where I cut it out. Still, the hair was really STUCK, so cutting it out was the only option.
I have no problem with cutting a train out of her hair, but still, WHAT was she doing?
Evie is well over the terror of having a train stuck in her hair and was only concerned with getting the hair out of the wheels so it would work again. I, personally, would have stayed away from the scary train for a while, but little kids are resilient. Here's she is playing with it.
You can see the hair stuck in the wheels. I had to tug and pull to get it loose. I only regret that she doesn't have a clean face in this picture. Oh well, make that 1,285 reasons why I won't be named Mother of the Year.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Click here for more info on rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Poor George got up to a fever of 103.2, laid in my arms lethargically most of the afternoon breathing rapidly, and finally began to open his eyes and interact once Chuck got home (which coincided with the Motrin kicking in). The doctor said it is just a virus. Hope he starts feeling better soon.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
MOVIE QUOTE 26
A wooden leg named Smith . . .
And one of my favorites as an adult. I LOVE to watch this movie with a bottle of wine, some crackers and fromage.
We believe that fruits and vegetables have feeling so we think cooking is cruel. We only eat things that have actually fallen off a tree or bush - that are, in fact, dead already.
and this is another quote from the same movie:
Oh God, this is one of those key moments in life, when it's possible you can be really, genuinely cool - and I'm failing 100%. I absolutely and totally and utterly adore you and I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time now that we can be best friends. What do YOU think?
Stewie Griffin: They're getting nude! I mustn't watch, it's not the proper thing to... Wow! I say, nice ones, Janine! And look at Lisa in all of her curvaceous glory! Heavens, it appears that my weewee has been stricken with rigor mortis!Geez, I had no idea how early a boy's fascination with his penis began. This is still a little shocking to me, but we're starting to get through it and I'm hoping to get numb to it soon. The problem is that he definitely has become more in tune with his own body, particularly in the morning. Ah, boys. It's a whole different world.
On another note, Luke started repeating the following in the car this morning in an announcer voice and with the proper intonation: "Karen, please call the office. Karen, please call the office."
I asked him, "What are you saying?"
He repeated it again, "Karen, please call the office. Karen, please call the office."
Me, "What is that from?"
Luke, "They used to say that at my old school."
Me, "On the speakers?"
Luke pointed up, "Yeah."
Me, "Hmm. Who is Karen?"
Luke, "I don't know. They just used to say it on the speakers. Karen, please call the office. Karen, please call the office."
It is amazing what those kids pick up and remember. I need to find out who Karen is and why she had to call the office so often.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Shush girl, shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips.
You can see the lyrics to the entire song by clicking here. The song is "Don't Trust Me" by 3OH!3. Yes, that's actually the band name. These people are weird.
I cannot believe anyone would write that. It's not really funny because it is offensively making fun of Helen Keller, and it certainly isn't sexy. What was this band thinking????
Just after, Chuck took him up to bed. So freakin' sweet!
And then there's Luke with his "Star Wars blaster" that he made at a birthday party. He LOVES it.
And Evie without pants, but wearing shoes and holding a crown. How does this happen?
Luke told me this morning: "You can have a hug, Mom, because it's Mother's Day." I quickly said thank you and made no argument that Mother's Day was yesterday. I'm going to milk this "day" for all it's worth!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
You get to open my crackers for me because it is Mother's Day.
You get a million hugs but only one kiss because it's Mother's Day.
I'll put the toilet seat down for you, Mom . . . because it's Mother's Day.
When is Brother's Day?
Evie and I wanted to get you a pink dress . . . with ties . . . with polka dots . . . with purple polka dots. (I got a pink shirt and pink sleep shorts with ties and white polka dots.)
By the way, the kids insisted that I wear the shirt to brunch that morning. I complied.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Luke by the stop sign. He was driving me crazy because he was so close to the street. The house in the background is the house next to mine that the eccentric owner won't sell even though people stop at our house all the time and say they will offer a million bucks for it sight unseen. Our driveway is to the right of those green bushes you see.
Evie and Luke found a bug.
All of the sudden, Luke pointed to the ground and exclaimed, "That's bad for the environment!" I asked what and he went over and picked up a bottle of Dr Pepper that was sitting in the grass. He insisted that we needed to recycle it. He's on a huge recycling mission these days. I agreed that we could recycle it. Then he went back and found another bottle. I reluctantly agreed to recycle that too. When he started digging through the bushes for more trash, I put an end to the obsessive recycling.
Evie looking pretty by the flowers.
Near the end of the picnic, Luke announced that he had to pee. I told him he would have to hold it. (Thank God we weren't far from home). He told me he didn't need to go home to go pee and very eloquently pointed out that he could pee in the grass. I said, no, everyone would see him. He looked around and said, "Who?" Me, "Everyone driving by." He looked around again, "There's no one driving by." He had me on that one for the moment, so I said, "No. You can't pee in the grass." (The great thing about being a Mom is that you don't have to explain the reasoning of your decisions). Luke pointed to the bushes, "I could pee in the bushes." Me, "No, you can't pee in the bushes." Ah, he is convincing sometimes. I would have done it if it hadn't been my neighbor's bushes.
That night we went to Central Market and visited with everyone and celebrated Champagne Thursday and Ms. Chesapeake's birthday with three bottles of champagne. It was a lot of fun, and I made everyone else hold my baby boy all night so I got to relax. Thanks to Uncle Ben who spent the most time cuddling and feeding my baby!
They had a great swing band playing on the patio too. Here the kids were talking to one of the band members. And another cute pic of George, hanging with the adults. (Oh and a shout out to Ms. Chesapeake's dad, who helped keep us entertained all night!)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Seriously, it looked like he was getting ready to launch her like a discus. Poor helicopter kitty.
Luke and Evie's school is once again in a precarious position and changing locations. I hate to consider having anyone other than Ms. C and Ms. D teaching my babies, but I guess it might be time to wake up and smell the coffee - mmm, coffee . . .
We haven't made any decisions yet, and with the au pair in the works, I think we only have to hold out until August and then our situtation will stabilize. We'll see.
For now, the kids are adorable. George discovered his feet and when I went to get him up this morning he wouldn't let go of his left foot. Precious. Seriously, that is one of my favorite things that the kids do. Luke loves Star Wars, but is scared of Cinderella - go figure. And Evie is a night owl. She can stay up as late as me and get up earlier. Thank heaven she stays in her bed and in her room until a reasonable hour.
I had already planned to take the day off so that I could watch George during the swine flu overreaction, but his school opened up today so I'm checking around for schools for the two older ones, checking out au pairs, and running errands this morning. Then I'm going to take the two older ones on a picnic at lunch and go to the zoo or the museum afterward and then we're hitting Central Market tonight to meet some friends. It should be a lovely day.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Me, "Why not?"
Luke, "Because it makes me gyassy." (Why he said 'gassy' like a Yankee, I have no idea).
Me, "What? Why does bologna make you gassy?"
Luke, "I don't know. Ms. C said someone was gyassy at lunch. So I didn't eat my bologna. Evie was gyassy." (Ms. C is their teacher)
Evie had been silent until now and piped up with a whine in her voice, "I'm not gassy, Luke!"
Luke, "Yeah, she was gassy. Ms. C said it smelled like gyas."
Me, "I don't think bologna makes you gassy, and Evie doesn't smell like gas."
Evie was satisfied with my response, but Luke went on, "Yes, bologna makes you gyassy. So I don't eat bologna."
So much for the experiement with Lunchables. I guess I can cross off bologna from the kids' diet.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
It is amazing that the flu has brought this town to its knees (at least with regard to children), but in other ways, we seem to just keep going like normal. I haven't seen any stores closed or workplaces closed. The number of people who have had to take off because their kids are out of school hasn't actually been that bad. It is somewhat surprising but really good news.
George is napping now, so I'm going to try to get some laundry done. I have to say that this is a very strange existence I'm living right now. I'm not one for rigid structure, but this staying at home stuff has really thrown me off my game. Luckily, I'll be back to work tomorrow!
Shout out to my infected mother - feel better!
Friday, May 1, 2009
So, here I sit at home. Can't really work, can't really go out. Can't really do much of anything. Perhaps I'll write a book called "How to Spend Your Time With the Swine Flu" Who knows. Until we get back to normal life, I will happily take phone calls to break up the monotony.
Take care everyone, and please maintain your perspective -- IT IS JUST THE FLU.