Friday, April 29, 2011

Totally Worth It!

So, I'm only a little obsessed with the royal family in England. Forgive me if this offends you. It's been eye-opening to discover that neither of our English au pairs give a fig about the royals at all. Still, I find it romantic and very much a fairy tale. So, when I received this invitation in the mail to go to a Royal Wedding Pajama party at a local restaurant at 3:00 a.m., I was thrilled and started casually shopping around for someone to go with me. Well, no one ever stepped up to the plate. Chuck, who had purchased the book "William and Kate" for me for Christmas, was well aware that I was fully planning to watch the royal wedding and asked me yesterday if I was going to go to Ruffinos to watch it. I sighed and said, "I'd love to, but I don't have anyone to go with." And then . . . Chuck made a mistake . . . he said, "I'll go with you." And so I made reservations for the two of us to attend. Sucker!!!

Last night we went to bed at 9:00 (and I easily fell asleep) and our alarm went off at 3:00 a.m., I blinked, leaned up on my elbows, considered whether it was really worth getting out of bed, and then hopped up and put on my fancy pajamas for the party. Chuck rolled out of bed and turned on the TV (which was already recording coverage of the wedding). Just seeing the TV motivated me to get moving. This was totally worth it!

So we tiptoed out of the house (while Rosie "watched" the kids while she slept) and we drove over to Ruffino's where the place was packed! There were groups of ladies dressed up in pajamas and English-style hats with brims wide and tall. The restaurant was bustling around - clearly their first time to hose a Royal Wedding Watching party at 3:00 a.m. We got a seat, but it didn't take long to realize it wasn't going to work out for me because this was my view of the TV.

Chuck bemoaned the fact that he was the only guy in attendance. I pointed out that there were plenty of male waitstaff and at least three or four gay men in attendance too. For some reason, that didn't keep him from feeling out of place. Still, he was a good sport and even let me take a picture of him.

So, the point of the entire thing was to watch the wedding and since my view of the wedding was completely blocked by women wearing outlandish hats, I decided it wasn't worth the $50 a head to stay, so we left and I ended up enjoying the entire thing from the comfort of my bed, after Chuck brought me orange juice in a champagne flute. Yes, he's fantastic. And yes, he's patient. But remember, so am I. *wink, wink*

Cheers to the new royal couple! I was quite impressed with their humor and beauty. My favorite part was all their smiles, and when Prince William whispered to Kate's father at the alter, "We were supposed to have just a small family affair." What good humor. I hope they will continue to laugh.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

I am Cougar, hear me roar!

I was a little depressed to find an email in my spam filter with the subject line: "Cougar and Cub Dating". Trust me, I am far from being a cougar and I'm pretty sure there aren't any cubs out there that want me. According to this article in Time Magazine, cougars are typically over 40 years old. For example, Demi Moore is in her 40s married to Ashton who is in his 30s. I fall into the Ashton age bracket, so thankyouverymuch, but no thank you.


Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Boring Pictures, but they're my boring pictures.

My only Easter pictures from 2011, because my camera was acting up and then the batteries died.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

You know you've thought it too.

Funny stuff should be shared, so here you go.

I know my babies adore(d) the book "Goodnight Moon" and I've heard many mothers complain about having to read the thing repeatedly.

Well, here's a version of the book for parents. I LOVE this and can't wait to go buy it.

And you can click HERE for the article that describes the book and emphasizes that this is a book for adults - not children. Here's a little sample of the book (that I got from the article):

The cats nestle close to their kittens.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear
Please go the f@#k to sleep.
It's pure greatness!

Monday, April 25, 2011

Like a Virgin - but not quite.

I realize that I live a fairly sheltered life, but here is the most interesting thing I've ever seen one of my friends post on Facebook:

  • 6 new photos
    Celebrating the life renewal and cleansing of Ms Laurie--and don't forget pedro! House parties are fun!!
    18 hours ago
There were pictures to go with it. I had to re-read it a few times just to make sure I fully understood. Apparently, there is quite a bit I don't know about, as you can see in this article published by ABC news.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Those Kind of People

Do you all know those perfect people out there who are gorgeous, well-put-together, healthy, athletic, happy, optimistic and cheery all the darn time? Yeah, I know a few of them and I really want to hate them, but it is impossible because they're so damn nice. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Well, one of my several perfect friends (who I think all suffer from TTDT aka "thighs that don't touch"), is opening up a Smart Barre Studio. Yes, can you believe that? Not only is she perfect, but she is perfecting her dreams. She is a professionally trained ballerina, has two kids, is married to a former pro-soccer player turned international executive (who also happens to be Luke's soccer coach and grew up in my home town of Spring, Texas), and she's beautiful inside and out. In fact, here's her picture (which I stole from her fb page, because, well, friends can do that, can't they?).

Right? This isn't the picture on her blog, but she has one there too. I swear, you have to be beautiful to put your picture up on your blog for all the world to see. As you can see by the header of my blog, I look better as a cartoon than I do in real life. Trust me on this. I digress.

I can't reiterate how difficult it is to slouch next to her on the side-lines of our kids' soccer game while she holds herself up with picture-perfect posture. I console myself by remembering that I probably got to enjoy more margaritas and chocolate donuts than she did in the past years, so in the end I'm really the winner. See how I can rationalize anything?

Okay, anyway, just wanted to give you guys a heads up in case anyone wants to join her class. I'm typically at work during her class times but I'm hoping to find a perfect time once she opens up her studio. Check out her website if you have time: SmartBarre. Of course, I realize that the more she works out teaching her amazing classes all day long (and I hear they are absolutely amazing), the better she is going to look and I'm going to have to resist the urge to hate her even more. Good thing I can look past those good looks and enjoy a friendship with anyone who can embrace a glass of wine.

And Allison . . . thanks for putting up with me!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Don't Eff with Me, Robert. I'm a woman on the edge.

So, I often have people say to me, "How do you do it all?" or "I don't know how you do it!"

For some reason, many people think that I'm perfect - or close to perfect - but the truth is, the only thing I'm perfect at is projecting the image of perfection, and really, that's a big fat lie too. Just ask ChuckyLuv. He knows the truth - as does any single person who has ever visited my home.

The place is a freakin' wreck almost all the time. Now, I'll admit that it isn't going to be featured on "Hoarders" or "Buried Alive" anytime soon, but I'll the fact is that the kitchen is only ever clean for the orgasmic five minutes just after the maids finish cleaning my house every other Friday. And the remainder of the house is a cluttered mess full of piles of laundry, toys throughout, unfinished Lego projects, numerous pieces of school artwork, stacks of mail, the most recent snack, and at least one empty bottle of wine or champagne and two empty glasses.

I am fully aware of the state of my household organization (or lack thereof), but for some reason I was highly offended, embarrased, and generally depressed when I received a detailed note from the exterminator that visited our home today (who I forgot was coming) about the overall condition of my home. Robert (aka "The-Man-Who-Kills-Bugs-for-A-Living" - yes, I'm being catty) scrawled the following words onto my receipt:

Attic O.K. Yard Cluttered w/ toys. home cluttered throughout especially
Garage. Please try to have toys picked up before ea. svc.

Despite Robert's obvious difficulty in maneuvering through the clutter, and his offense that I did not clean up my house for the exterminator, he charged me only $114.06 for the service, reflected a payment of $114.06, and accepted my check for $115.00, fully securing a tip of 94 cents as a reflection of his exceptional customer service.

Robert, if you want to see a real mess, then I dare you to exterminate these homes:

And you can find more images of these on the Hoarder's website or the Buried Alive website.

Robert, we're done. Don't come back.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

She'll be Famous

Me: Wow! What is this?

Luke: It's from Evie's art class.

Me: That's pretty good! She's a rock star!

Luke: No. She's not a rock star.

Me: Why not?

Luke: Because a rock star plays good guitar music. Evie's going to be a famous artist.

Me (eyes raised, with a pleased smile on my face): Hmm! I love you, Luke!

Luke didn't answer because he was already engrossed with the television.

Here are some pictures of the artwork I was so impressed with and the soon-to-be-famous artist eating her peanut butter sandwich.


With kids in the house, it seems there is a surprise around every corner.

We discovered this in our bathroom the other morning.

These things actually make me smile, but they also remind me that I don't have control over my life or my surroundings.

This is brought to you by a graffiti artist named Luke.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

They're Obsessed!

"So I jumped into Tuesday and had myself a snooze day . . ."

This is from a song that the kids are currently obsessed with. We found a bonus CD of 5 songs by Laurie Berkner Band in the depths of my minivan. Haven't heard of them? You must not watch Jack's Big Music Show. She's really pretty good and damn it if her songs don't stick in your head! Chuck and I were singing them all weekend, and they are still obviously stuck in our heads.

This includes hits such as "We are the Dinosaurs marching, marching"

and "I Called You on the Telephone, ring-a-ling-a-ling you weren't home" and "I'm Gonna Catch You, You Better Run, I'm Gonna Catch You, Here I Come!"

Seriously, I love that the kids like these songs, but the songs running through my head are driving me crazy!

Monday, April 18, 2011

"Those Little High Heels"

This is, without a doubt, one of the funniest things I've seen in the last year. I asked every parent at Luke's birthday party if they had seen this, and they all said no. So, for those of you who have already seen this fantastic video, then just enjoy it again, and for all those who haven't, well, happy Monday morning. I swear this will make your week!

Admittedly, I am glad that this isn't how my children act (yet), but there are some aspects of this child's behavior that are admirable and some that are downright inappropriate.
Still, the more I watch this, the more I like it.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Birthday Parties

I don't know what it is about April, but this is definitely the biggest month for birthdays in our lives. Not only was Luke born this month, but we have FOUR birthday parties to attend this weekend! It's ridiculous. I actually walked out of the store yesterday with four birthday presents in my arms and we will be consuming four separate birthday cakes this weekend, with four separate goody bags, and at least 8 hours of crazy birthday party "fun." Could somebody please explain to me why everyone got busy in July?

Also, I'd like to apologize to all my friends whose birthday parties I attend. I hate birthday parties. They are such a pain in my ass - yes, it's all about me; get over it. But I will go and I will most likely be cordial, but I will not be the friend that jumps up and down and wants to help you plan the birthday party. In fact, I'll probably sit in a corner and desperately wonder if you have wine in the house.

One of my friends informed me last night that her daughter's birthday party is going to be at Chuck E. Cheese (referred to in code at our house to avoid hysteria as "Charles E Fromage"). I let out a ridiculously put-upon sigh and said with derision in my voice, "Sweet Jesus. Why?"

Well the answer is a simple one: the birthday girl wanted her party there. To be frank, I'd probably do the same thing while bitching about it the entire time and apologizing profusely to each set of parents whose kids I had invited to the land of germs, pizza, games, chaos, noise, and a scary-costumed-giant mouse (who is probably some poor acne-ridden teenager who is just trying to make a buck). Ugh, Charles E. Formage - I despise thee.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Movie Quote 79

Well, that last one was so much fun, I thought I'd throw another one out there. I watched this so much when I was a kid. It was a favorite for sure.

My nails, I bit them all because of you! And my hair! Look at my hair! I cut it off just for you! Of all the pigheaded fathers!
Hope this one is a tad bit harder than the last.

Movie Quote 78

It's time for a movie quote, don't you think?

So here it is!

The space goes down, down baby, down, down the roller coaster. Sweet, sweet baby, sweet, sweet, don't let me go. Shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. Shimmy, shimmy, rock. Shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. Shimmy, shimmy, rock. I met a girlfriend - a triscuit. She said, a triscuit - a biscuit. Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top. Ooh, Shelly's out, walking down the street, ten times a week. I read it. I said it. I stole my momma's credit. I'm cool. I'm hot. Sock me in the stomach three more times.
I can sing it in my head and had it memorized at one point! Love this movie!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Seven Years

Today is my precious Luke's birthday.
He's still my sweet baby.
I can't believe that he has grown from this:

to this.

He's loving and wonderful and frustrating all at the same time. I adore him. Happy birthday my sweet little man.

Chuck made pancakes for Luke this morning and then we measured his height to see how much he had grown. He's officially on a growth spurt!

The other two looked on to supervise Chuck's measuring abilities.

And then I got a picture of all three.

These are truly the most precious moments in our lives.
We are so blessed.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Birthday Beer, Wine, and Spit

Luke had his birthday party yesterday at the bowling alley. Somebody shoot me. All I could keep saying was, "I hate birthday parties. I hate birthday parties." The boys were uncontrollable. I kept hoping their first grade teacher would show up and whip them all into shape. Instead, I self-medicated with beer and wine. Chuck, on the other hand, is sure to require antibiotics in approximately 48 hours because after all the kids had left the pizza room, he helped himself to the leftover soda, only to be informed that the hostess had poured all the leftover cups in the pitcher he was drinking out of. So basically fourteen 7-year old kids spit in his mouth. I guarantee you, I have not kissed him since he revealed this information. Yuck.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Champagne Thursday

It's Champagne Thursday people!
And I've got a hot date with ChuckyLuv.
I know you're all so jealous!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My View

It is as if I cease to exist if I don't post on this blog. Sad, but probably true.

So, I got to spend the weekend with these two munchkins while Luke and Chuck went to an overnight Cub Scout camp out. Ooo . . . ahh.

Evie, George and I really had a great time together. We snuggled together,

had breakfast,

and managed to go to an Easter Egg Hunt!

Chuck kept me posted with pictures and captions as follows:

"Luke playing leap frog."
(he's squatting down and wearing a striped shirt)

"Luke disregarding personal space to examine a worm."
(not at all surprised)

"At the camp fire. It was too dark to get the skits. Ask Luke for his impression of a raindrop." Seriously, ask Luke this next time you see him; it's hilarious.

"Luke with his very first pocketknife. Which promptly had to be taken back since scouts get their knives at 8 years old. He'll get it back in the car."

And the one that drove me to drink simply based on jealousy:

"The view from my hammock."

To which I responded: "The view from Chick-fil-a."

Oh yeah, baby. Living the high life here in Fort Worth!
He was not even a little bit jealous.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Can't Deny it

They cannot deny one another. I love it.



And a cute picture of Evie so she doesn't feel left out.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Special Hug

Luke: "Mom, how does the baby get in your belly?"

Me: "Daddy and I make a baby by giving each other a special hug."

Luke: "Can I see the special hug?"

Me: "No."

Luke: "Well, when can I see the special hug?"

Me: "Uh. Well. Hmm. You can never see Mommy and Daddy do the 'special hug.'"

Luke: "Why?"

Me: "Because it is private."

Luke: "Private?"

Me: "Uh huh. But maybe I'll get you a book about it. Soon."

Luke: *grunt*

The end of that conversation . . . for now.


I haven't been able to get into a book for over a month. Not for lack of trying. Reading is my favorite thing. (I even fancy that I would be a romance novelist in another life - or this one if I ever got off my butt and did it.) I've picked up several different books and started them, getting only 10-15 pages before I put them down. I don't know if it is just getting to a different place in my life and lifestyle (you know . . . focused on kids, work, and life in general) or if there is something wrong with what I'm reading or perhaps my hormonal makeup right now (no, I'm not prego). I have no idea what my problem is. However, I powered through a frivolous novel this week (that's all I read for fun since I read so much serious stuff at work) and I finally feel like I'm getting back on track. Any good books to recommend out there? Remember I like romantic, funny, and frivolous. NO drama for me. Hope you all had a great weekend!