Thank you so much for the letter I received on April 1st, officially confirming my title as the Worst Mom of the Year. I thought this was a great April Fool's joke when I received the letter from you explaining to me that you are "requesting" a meeting with me and my son Luke because he has had three or more unexcused absences, tardies or early dismissals. Unfortunately, I realized this letter was not a joke when I noticed that the opposite side of the letter had the contents translated into Spanish for my convenience. (Thanks, but I'm not bilingual.)
Most importantly, I appreciate you consulting my schedule before you dictated that I should show up at the school district's "Field House" for a meeting that will begin "promptly at 6:15 p.m." I'm not sure how you knew that I already had another meeting scheduled for that date and time, that my au pair would be in class, and that my husband would have to leave work early simply to get there on time. But the best part of all was the promise that the doors will be locked when the meeting begins. I'm certain that I would have tried to escape otherwise, since I'm sure to be there with all the other gang members and their parents who will be pleading with you to forgive such negligent absences, tardies or early dismissals. With that said, I think you should know in advance that Luke will not be there. Nope, my Kindergarten gangster will not be pleading for your mercy.
Instead, you'll see the spouse of The Worst Mom Of the Year, and he'll be wondering how it is that Luke apparently has had 11 tardies and 1 unexcused absence, but we never received any notification that he was being counted as tardy until we received your pleasant note just the other day. How kind of you to not bother us with any pesky warnings or messages letting us know that Luke was on the verge of being in trouble with the law. I truly appreciate it since my time is at a premium. Lucky for me, all I have to do is clear my schedule, juggle my kids, and attend a last minute meeting with all the truly delinquent thugs in the school district.
Thanks again for all this fun, and for securely pushing me forward as the front runner for the title "Worst Mom of the Year." You're simply the best.
Hugs and Kisses,
The Professional Mother aka Worst Mom of the Year