Candy Lunch

I raided the company candy jar a few minutes ago because I was working so hard I didn't have time for lunch. I've decided a lunch made up entirely of candy doesn't taste good. I'd rather have a salad.

English Accent

Lindsey said our roads are rubbish. In all honesty, I did have to avoid two potholes while I drove her to dinner last night. I was hoping we would make a better impression, but oh well. After she said that, it seemed like at every turn there were road construction signs and I got more and more embarrassed. She also chuckles all the time at things the kids say - stuff that I don't even think is funny. When I asked her about it, she said they just sound so American. She said the things they say sound like something she would see on an American television show. I couldn't quite understand so I asked for an example. She said, "Well, they said, 'Awe man, it's so hot!' It just sounds so American." I'm still not sure I understand, but I have to take her word for it.

My English accent is really coming along nicely too! I keep trying to talk, I'm sure to Lindsey's great annoyance. She said I speak with a London accent, probably from watching English movies. She said it's very "posh." I took that as a compliment even though she probably didn't mean it as one. She also said that she was reading a book to Luke and he pointed to a picture of a badger and asked what it was. She said, "Thaht's ah bahguh." And he repeated it with an English accent, "Bahguh." So, who knows, maybe my kids will have a slight English accent at the end of this year

We sat up and talked for a while last night and it seems like we're settling into a very odd routine. I think it will get better once the kids start school and Lindsey starts driving. She has to pass a driving test and exam. We have to go get her one of those driver's education books so she can start studying. She said they don't have stop signs in England like we do. I can't even imagine.

That's all I've got for today. Got to get to work.

Movie Quote 37

Man 1: Why a spoon, cousin? Why not an axe?
Man 2: Because it's DULL, you twit. It'll hurt more.

Love this movie. Made Lindsey watch it last night.

The Arrival

We've been very excited about Lindsey arriving and one of the things I was working hardest on was a gift for her arrival. I'm afraid I didn't do as well as she did, but I'm just not as good at giving gifts as other people are. (So I received a lot of help on this by soliciting advice from all my friends). Anyhow, I thought a canvas bag with her name on it for her to carry her college course books would be helpful. I had her name put on the bag and then we also included books on Texas and Fort Worth, sunscreen, sunglasses, wet wipes, her phone, and a key chain with her name on it and keys to the mini van (Lulu) and a key to the house. Then, I took the kids to Bath & Body Works and they spent about a half and hour with the sales lady (we were the only customers in the store at the time) smelling all the different lotions. She would patiently unscrew the tops and hold each sent up to the kids noses and they would make faces and say "Ew, that smells." or "That's good." Then when they couldn't decide, the sales lady suggested that they give Lindsey a sampler of five different lotions. She showed them a gift set that had five scents in it. They had already smelled all of them, but they insisted on smelling each one from the box set to make sure. They decided that was the right present. We checked out and the sales lady wrapped the gift up special and made Luke carry it. They were precious. They also insisted on a little stuffed dog from Victoria's Secret, so that is in there too.

Last weekend I also made a sign for Lindsey's arrival at the airport so that she could spot us right away. The kids helped by sprinkling glitter all over the letters. (Note to self: Don't ever buy glitter again). So here we are at the airport waiting for Lindsey to disembark. (We left a trail of glitter throughout Terminal E). Little did we know, we were at the wrong gate, her flight had arrived thirty minutes earlier, and she was waiting like a lost orphan with all her luggage on the street about 200 feet down. Sad, I know. Not the impression I wanted to make. Finally, we figured out that we were in the wrong place. She was very patient with us. The kids were silly at first and wouldn't give her a proper hello, but you could tell they were excited.

We took Lindsey out to eat after we picked her up. We ate at Macaroni Grill because I already knew that she likes pasta. She was very patient with us and we had a ton of questions. I don't think she got to eat much because she was answering all our questions. Here she is at the restaurant holding George.


She got us some gifts too and they were all very thoughtful. She got Chuck and me a cookbook. Love it. I read through the whole thing and I'm picking out recipes without cheese so we can cook them. Oh, and it also has a recipe for Champagne Cocktails - a definite must for Champagne Thursday!

For the kids, she went crazy. She got books and activities, including one or two on Robin Hood and Little John. I can't wait to see what the real story is. The absolute best gift, however, we the little soccer outfits she got for the kids. They are the same outfits that the England team wears (the team that Beckham would play for), and to top it off she had their names put on the back! Simply adorable! I'll have to post the picture of their backs later. They weren't very cooperative.



So, we're having a good time and I think she is starting to settle in. The kids are great with her. They showed off for about 24 hours - acting silly for her. Then I walked into the den Saturday afternoon and found Evie curled up in Lindsey's lap watching TV - and Evie was the one I was most concerned about warming up to Lindsey because Evie is so darn shy. Looks like it won't be a problem at all. Then on Sunday, she played board games with the kids for almost two hours! Her patience level clearly outpaces mine.

Gotta get to work, but there's an update for now.

Lindsey

She's here! She's fabulous! The kids love her! And, so far, she's putting up with us - particularly my terrible attempts to speak in an English accent. She's a trooper. I'll have pictures and details later.

The most difficult part has been food since we don't cook. So far she does not like cheese, fish, olives, and pizza with cheese. She has eaten (without complaint, well she doesn't actually complain so that's not really a good qualification) hot dogs, pizza without cheese, fajitas, guacamole (for the first time), Chickfila, and spaghetti and meatballs. Dinners shall be a challenge until we get into a routine.

LINDSEY WILL BE IN TEXAS TODAY!

TODAY IS THE DAY! We are picking Lindsey up from the airport TODAY!!!! We've been anxiously counting down the days.


Finally, I'd like to share a picture of her. I hope she doesn't mind. To be fair, I made sure she was okay with the blog before she committed to a year of living with us.

Pictured above, is Lindsey the Au Pair. I'll get better pictures tonight, but look how happy she is! She seems to have a natural glow about her, like she's perfectly pleased with life and enjoys living it to its fullest! She'll fit in perfectly with us! Ms. Lindsey is 19, has older two sisters, a fantastic Mom and Dad, lots of cousins, she's Irish Catholic, loves to golf, and she dislikes cheese. (Weird about the cheese thing, right? Of course my friend Ashley doesn't like cheese either, but I still think it is weird). This is her room.

We hope she will be very comfortable and happy with our family! Oh, and obviously, we hope she likes green! Welcome to our family, Lindsey!

It must come naturally . . .

That's my child looking up all the girls' skirts when we were at Central Market last night. I've never been so proud.

Oh, and did you notice, "more bars in more places"? It's like an AT&T commercial.

Althea

Gap owns a new store called Althea. I'm super pumped about purchasing some golf dresses from there. They are really cute! Check it out. I'm also very excited about the new swim dress trend.

I'm sure I'll look just like this in a swim dress.

Air Guitar Perfected

The kids love the White Trash Beach Bash IX CD that Roxy made for everyone. Here they are jamming out to New Kids on the Block's Summertime. Turn up the music. Evie just cracks me up, and you can see Luke has already perfected the air guitar. Their favorite songs are So What by Pink and Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas.

LINDSEY IS IN THE U.S.!!!!

Movie Quote 36

1. Mean people suck.

2. (having nothing to do with number one) - Jack Welch was revealed as my long-time friend Jason aka Running Dad. He's very articulate, but very unlike Jack.

3. For a little lighter fare than Jack Welch, here is Movie Quote 36: I can't believe my grandmother just felt me up.

Jack Welch doesn't get it.

Jack Welch can bite my ass. He recently stated that women who take time off for family are making a risky career move. So, basically, I can have a family, but I better not have to take time off of work to do so. I guess next time I pop out a child (if there is a next time), I will just go back to work after it's done and not worry about bleeding all over the office or the fact that I have breast milk spewing everywhere, or that I'm still on narcotic drugs that may affect my ability to drive or perform my work duties, not to mention that I just left a fledgling infant at home with a stranger to fend for his/herself. What an unimformed, ignorant, bottom-line-focused man. It's too bad that men can't have babies too. Then, maybe there wouldn't be this disproportionate attitude toward maternity leave and having a family. Please pardon my rant.

Private Parts . . . Again

The other day, while the kids were undressing and getting ready for school Evie was curiously examining her private parts - because that's what kids do when they're curious. I said, "Evie, we don't show our private parts. Go on and put your panties on." There was nothing crude, pornographic, or strange about it; she was just taking a look. When I told her to put on her panties, she started to and then announced, "No, mommy, I want to show Luke." I said, "No, Evie, just put your panties on. We don't show our private parts." Evie, "But I want to show Luke . . ." Me, "No, Luke doesn't need to see your private parts. Let's get dressed." I started to help her get her panties on and my mind started cranking wondering how often she is showing off her private parts, and then Luke interrupted my thoughts with, "Mommy, what are private parts?" Ah, yes. And so I began my lecture, realizing that it was probably well past due.

"Well, everyone has private parts. Luke, your penis and bottom are your private parts and Evie, your bottom is your private part. You shouldn't show your private parts to anyone except mommy or daddy or Dr. M. And you shouldn't let anyone touch your private parts except for mommy or daddy or Dr. M and even then, this should only be when you have a bath or if the doctor is examining you with mommy or daddy in the room." I reemphasized, "So, no one should touch your private parts. Okay?"

Both kids looked at me with confused seriousness, gleaning from my tone that this was a very serious matter. I continued, "Do you both understand?" Evie, "Yes, mama." Luke, "Uh huh." Then Luke walked over to me where I was still dressing Evie and said, "Mommy, I have another private part." I looked at him with a bit of confusion and said, "Oh really? What is it?" Luke pointed to his knee and said with authority, "This is a private part. When I hurt it, I wouldn't let anyone touch it, so it is a private part."

Me, "Hmm. That makes sense, I guess." Luke nodded his head, "Yup, it's a private part." Me, "sort of . . ." and then I let it go.

Scratching that Itch

Apparently, men just have a need to touch themselves. I don't understand it and I don't like it. In fact, it drives me crazy! None of my private parts are in need of constant adjusting, touching, or scratching. How is it that those men cannot keep their hands off themselves? I've argued for years with Chuck about this and his answer is that "Sometimes, they just have to be touched." I give him my you-are-full-of-shit face and roll my eyes. Because, really, if they just have to be touched, then why is it that men can avoid adjusting and scratching themselves in public (for the most part)? I just don't get it.

Last night, Luke was holding himself and appeared to be doing the pee-pee dance while I was making dinner. I looked at him with exasperation and said, "Luke, go pee." My emphasis was on the word "pee" because it was obvious to me that anytime a boy is holding himself, he must have to go pee. Well, I was wrong. Luke casually said, "No, Mom. I don't have to pee. My penis just itches." He then proceeded to give it a good, deep scratch and went back to his business. Cringing by the display, and with my mouth agape, I just said with confusion, "Oh." I went back to making dinner, letting it sink in that Luke had just proven Chuck's point. Damn it. I lose again.

HP

Chuck and I are going to see Harry Potter tonight! So excited about the movie, but not about the crowds. Anyone seen it yet? If so, what did you think?

Movie Quote 35

Okay, I know I'm boring so you'll have to live with a movie quote. Chuck and I quote this all the time and probably look like goobers, but that's just the way we are.

This is it. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't try to stop me this time, Smee. Don't you dare try to stop me this time, Smee, try to stop me. Smee, you'd better get up off your ass. Get over here, Smee!

Busy at work

So busy at work. Trial in September. Get yourselves ready for fewer and fewer posts (because I know you will all be going through Professional Mother withdrawal, right?). But, really, how exciting will my posts be when I spend 12 hours or more at work every day?

Lindsey arrives at our house in less than two weeks! Can you believe it? Luckily, she will show up just in time for me to get ready for trial. Unfortunately, she will show up when I'm not around much because I'm getting ready for trial. That's life.

Elbow deep

I spent all weekend elbow deep in baby poo. Lucky me. Honestly, I felt lucky that it wasn't vomit. (Side note: Chuck taught Luke various words for throw up, because Luke informed Chuck that vomit is another word for throw up. Chuck informed him that there are many words for throw up. Luke learned "blow chunks." Classy). Anyhow, George is fully over his virus, but is experiencing the side effect of having to rebuild his stomach. He is now on special soy formula for diarrhea, probiotic cereal, and pedialyte. He is also limited to carrots, sweet potatoes, and bananas. After the third day on the diarrhea formula, he will have to be on a plain soy formula for two weeks. Apparently, he can't digest lactose anymore and we have to work him up to it. Chuck and I have been up at 3:00 a.m. the last two nights changing sheets, stripping our stinky, poopy kid and bathing the poor little boy. Then we stick a soy bottle in his mouth and put him back to sleep. We're on day number 6 of nasty diapers. If it is still going tomorrow, I have to take him in to the doctor so they can do a culture or something on a stool sample. Isn't it amazing what we parents have to do? This certainly wasn't the picture perfect parental experience I had in mind when I got pregnant for the first time. But, ah, it is worth it even at 3:00 a.m. when that precious (but stinky and nasty) boy grins at us as we strip him out of his poop-soaked clothes. Pure parental joy, right?

Happy 7 month birthday, George!

Patch

Chuck has a new nickname for George. It's Patch. You can probably see why . . .

Yick.

George has a virus that has manifested itself in his tushie. Yuck. Nine diapers full of nastiness yesterday. We're good so far today, but he's at home since they sent him home from school yesterday. Chuck and I are splitting the day. Don't worry, he is still my chunky boy. In fact, I overheard a man at Starbucks say sarcastically, "I don't think that's baby is eating enough." Yes, he's a big happy baby.

Here's a Picture Post

I got flowers today. Chuck loves me.


Here are some recent pics of the kids:

"Puppy Love"

"Hanging On"

"I Love My Toes"

"Get Me a Beer and a Remote Control"

Beer Gut

Last night I heard this song by Trailer Choir called She Rocks the Beer Gut. All I have to say is, um . . . wow. Click here to hear the song and see an amazing video.

Favorite Things

Potbelly's Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

Movie Quote 34

I'm too busy at work to post much, plus my feet are killing me from all my dog hunting on Monday. So, here's a movie quote for you to enjoy.

Shit. Oh hell, let's just do what we always do. Hijack some nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage. Yeah? Good! Gentlemen, it has come to my attention that a breakaway Russian Republic called Kreplachistan will be transferring a nuclear warhead to the United Nations in a few days. Here's the plan. We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for... ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

I once was lost, but now am found . . .

I woke up this morning and sent an email with a picture of Fergi to our homeowners association (or the equivalent thereof). I received a phone call at work this morning from a sweet neighbor who said she heard barking coming from the house behind hers and said the people in that house had gone on vacation. I rushed out of the office and went to look around in the neighbor's backyard (after calling and announcing for the record that I would be there so that they could identify me when and if the police arrested me for trespassing). Well, Fergi was nowhere to be found. Still depressed, I returned to work where I put together some Lost Dog posters (can't bill out that hour). Chuck printed out a bunch of them and brought them home. I also posted an ad in the local newspaper (and damn is that expensive!).

I met Chuck and the kids at home and we spent almost three hours posting fliers in our neighborhood and in TCU. We ate dinner at a local hamburger joint called Dutch's. Mmm, good, but it didn't raise my spirits. We walked back and posted more fliers. Luke and Evie pretended that we were in Blue's Clues searching for clues to find Fergi, and finally lamenting her loss. They started saying things like, "I miss Fergi." Then they would let out a loud sigh and announce, "That was because I miss Fergi." and then they'd let out another loud sigh. They were so helpful though. They helped look for big poles to hang Fergi's photo on and they were really good kids. Of course, they were exhausted when we got home at quarter to nine (their bedtime is around 8. George had fallen asleep in his stroller and we sent the other two to bed straight away. Then I grabbed my keys and rushed around trying to post the last of the signs before the sun set. I hit several streets and with each sign I posted, my hopes of finding my precious baby girl sunk lower.

Finally, I ran out of tape. I slumped my shoulders, sighed like Luke and Evie and turned to get into my car. It was almost dark anyway. But, just as I started to close the door to my car, I saw a runner squint his eyes at the sign and wave at me. He told me that he had seen a sign about a found dog described as a small black and white dog, in the neighborhood across the street from the major street we live behind. I never considered that Fergi could possibly cross that major street and survive, so I had focused all my efforts on our neighborhood. Nonetheless, I hugged the jogger (who looked a little uncomfortable), thanked him, and practically sped over to the other neighborhood. Low and behold, there was a small sign posted reading, "Found small black and white dog" with a phone number. I rushed home (because I lost my cell phone last week - yet another chapter in this comedy of errors otherwise known as my life) and called the phone number I had memorized by chanting it all the way home (approximately three blocks, but across the busy street). I called and yes, a nice older couple had taken in Fergi and kept her safe and fed. They announced that they were a little disappointed because they had already planned to keep her because she fit in so well with their FOUR other dogs! Woof! I rushed over to their house and greeted my long lost puppy who licked my face thoroughly. They were clearly taken with her; they had even decided to name her Cleopatra (a name I approve of). Despite their obvious affection for the little devil dog, Fergi and I were happy to be reunited. I tried to set her down so that I could talk to the couple, but Fergi wanted to go home so I continued to hold her the whole time. It was good to be missed as much as we missed her. Bless that little devil puppy. We love her so.

Thank you all for all your good thoughts. I intend to have a chip put in Fergi ASAP.

My Beautiful Baby!

I signed George up for a Beautiful Babies Contest. My friend Robin signed her son up too, so it is a battle of the babies. She's definitely more organized, but take a look at my precious George!

Click here and vote for George!

Suspects

The kids have moved on already. Luke asked if we could get another dog now that Fergi is gone.

My prime suspect behind Fergi's disappearance had been this character:

Abby (aka Cat from Hell; Fergi's arch enemy)

Now, I'm suspecting this character:

Lukey Dukey (aka Insensitive Pet Owner)

We received a call from one of our neighbors and I went tromping around at lunch but didn't find her. Chuck and I will keep our hopes up despite our children's quick dismissal our beloved pet.

No word

No word about Fergi. We're making signs today with her picture and will hang them up in the neighborhood tonight. I'll also go by Animal Control again. This sucks.

Oh, and if you're sad (about Fergi, in my case) I would not suggest watching the romantic dramedy Last Chance Harvey. It was sucky and made Chuck and me just plain sadder about Fergi. I have to admit, it couldn't be as bad as Marley and Me which would certainly send me into a full-fledged breakdown.

Aside from Fergi, we had a great weekend. I just can't bring myself to be humorous though.

fergi UPDATED

Our dog disappeared while we were watching fireworks yesterday. She's annoying as hell, but she's my sweet baby and I'm so worried about her. Chuck is out looking for her or her remains (heaven forbid). This afternoon we'll go to animal control to see if she's been picked up. Chuck and I are seriously worried about her.

1:30 - No luck. I've been to Animal Control and the Humane Society. She's not there. After crying a bit, I came home. The kids haven't asked about her yet, but it's just a matter of time.

I'm going to make some fliers soon and start calling animal hospitals. Worst of all, she did not have her collar on and she doesn't have an identification chip. I hate myself for this happening.

Ah, the joy of the 4th!

Chuck took Luke and George in for their wellness visits with the Dr. yesterday. George received his six month shots and is now officially, "off the charts." He's just a little over 21 pounds. The doctor did not seem overly concerned with his weight and carried on the check up as usual.

I never got around to Luke's 5 year old wellness visit so he went yesterday. He is average 55% in weight and height. He passed is vision and hearing tests with flying colors. And after George cried for literally 10 seconds after receiving four big shots in his chunky legs, Luke screamed and cried for the finger prick blood test for about 20 minutes afterward. And last night when I got home, he was still fussing over his little finger prick and the band aid that was barely still hanging on. Woosey boy.

All is well today. I'm working this morning (alone at the office and it sucks) and Chuck and the kids are hanging out. No big plans for the weekend, and we're loving it. Hope you all stay cool and celebrate our Independence from big, bad Mother England. Just kidding!

Oh, and a shout out to my friend Robin who is celebrating her birthday today! Much love, girl!

God Bless the U.S.A. and the fact that we get today off from work!

Random stuff

We've started a countdown to Lindsey - only 22 more days until she gets to our house.

Here are some random videos of the kids. They crack me up.
(I can't figure out how to turn them. Sorry.)

Luke started singing this song randomly one evening before bed.

Evie then wanted to sing her version.

And here are two very boring videos of my precious George.

And here are pictures of the swamp before and after.

And just some cute ones of the kids. Seriously, aren't they adorable?

A typical trip to the restroom

I met Chuck at Papasitos (a Mexican restaurant that we frequent) last night and as soon as I got there, Luke walked up to me doing the pee pee dance and holding his privates. He hopped from one foot to the other and said, "Potty!" I smiled, set my purse down, took his hand and headed to the restroom. We pushed into the restroom and Luke asked (as if he didn't know), "Is this the ladies room?" I responded, "Yes." Luke, "I don't want to go in the ladies room. I want to use the men's room." Me, "I'm a girl, so we have to go in the girls restroom." Luke whined, "But I don't like it." I closed the door behind us as I pushed his shuffling feet into the stall. The first thing he asked was, "Is this a loud toilet?" I responded, already dreading the conversation that was sure to follow, "No, I don't think so." (Sometimes white lies are okay if you're faced with the option of having your kid pee his pants).

Luke reached up and flushed the toilet. The "KerWoosh-Gurgle-Gurgle!" of the toilet proved without a doubt that the toilet was in fact a loud toilet - a fact I already knew. Luke started to whimper and backed up into me as I asked with exasperation, "Why in the world did you flush the toilet?!" Without answering my question he said, "It is loud! I don't want to go potty!" I rolled my eyes and pushed his shoulders forward toward the toilet, "You obviously have to go potty. It's no big deal. Just go in the toilet." I pushed him forward again and he hid his face in my skirt. I made a mental note to put that skirt in the drycleaning pile. Luke, "I want to go in a urinal." Me, "There isn't a urinal in here. Just go. Stop being silly." He started to fuss as I pushed him forward and said, "Luke! You HAVE to go potty. Now go." He stood there and announced again, "No, I want to use the urinal in the men's room!" I finally start to lose my patience. "No, you have to go in here." I reached down and pulled down his pants at which point I asked, "Oh my goodness, do you have your underwear on backwards?" Luke, "I like it that way," wimper, sniff. Me, "Ugh, just go potty." He started to pee, finished, and rushed away from the toilet. I reached down to pull up his pants and the toilet automatically flushed causing him to jump and reach around me for the door. I gently reminded him that he had to pull up his pants. He didn't seem to care. We went to wash our hands, and he stated firmly, "Next time, I want to use the men's room." O00-kay, my little therapy-bound son.