I met Chuck at Papasitos (a Mexican restaurant that we frequent) last night and as soon as I got there, Luke walked up to me doing the pee pee dance and holding his privates. He hopped from one foot to the other and said, "Potty!" I smiled, set my purse down, took his hand and headed to the restroom. We pushed into the restroom and Luke asked (as if he didn't know), "Is this the ladies room?" I responded, "Yes." Luke, "I don't want to go in the ladies room. I want to use the men's room." Me, "I'm a girl, so we have to go in the girls restroom." Luke whined, "But I don't like it." I closed the door behind us as I pushed his shuffling feet into the stall. The first thing he asked was, "Is this a loud toilet?" I responded, already dreading the conversation that was sure to follow, "No, I don't think so." (Sometimes white lies are okay if you're faced with the option of having your kid pee his pants).
Luke reached up and flushed the toilet. The "KerWoosh-Gurgle-Gurgle!" of the toilet proved without a doubt that the toilet was in fact a loud toilet - a fact I already knew. Luke started to whimper and backed up into me as I asked with exasperation, "Why in the world did you flush the toilet?!" Without answering my question he said, "It is loud! I don't want to go potty!" I rolled my eyes and pushed his shoulders forward toward the toilet, "You obviously have to go potty. It's no big deal. Just go in the toilet." I pushed him forward again and he hid his face in my skirt. I made a mental note to put that skirt in the drycleaning pile. Luke, "I want to go in a urinal." Me, "There isn't a urinal in here. Just go. Stop being silly." He started to fuss as I pushed him forward and said, "Luke! You HAVE to go potty. Now go." He stood there and announced again, "No, I want to use the urinal in the men's room!" I finally start to lose my patience. "No, you have to go in here." I reached down and pulled down his pants at which point I asked, "Oh my goodness, do you have your underwear on backwards?" Luke, "I like it that way," wimper, sniff. Me, "Ugh, just go potty." He started to pee, finished, and rushed away from the toilet. I reached down to pull up his pants and the toilet automatically flushed causing him to jump and reach around me for the door. I gently reminded him that he had to pull up his pants. He didn't seem to care. We went to wash our hands, and he stated firmly, "Next time, I want to use the men's room." O00-kay, my little therapy-bound son.