Wednesday, September 22, 2010

For Angie

I want to clear up a few things and make a confession.

About a year ago, I came to a life-altering conclusion. It really was difficult for me to admit, but after much analysis, consideration, prayer, and pondering, I realized that . . .

are you ready for it? . . . .

I cannot do it all.

It is even difficult for me to write. I hate it. I want to believe that I can do it all. But the simple fact is that I can't. I simply cannot do it all. I have to repeat it to myself - all the time.

So for all of you out there who think I'm "doing it all," please realize that there is a lot that I'm not doing, and a lot of it that I'm not advertising that I'm not doing.

For example, I don't exercise, do crafts with my kids, go to the park, walk the dogs, feed my kids healthy food, make baby food, decorate my home (except for fall and Christmas), make dinner, set the table (we eat in front of the TV), change the sheets, mow the law, plant or tend a garden, go swimming with my kids (I don't like to swim), play catch with the kids in the front yard, wash windows, clean the tub . . . or really anything else, put away laundry (will wash and fold, but hate to put away), iron, work all hours of the day and night to become a mega-super-star attorney, woo clients, party on Thursday nights, visit all the relatives on holidays, remember birthdays (although it is my sister's birthday today - happy birthday), scrapbook or keep baby books, send thank you notes, make coffee in the morning, sweep the floor, bathe my children every night (far from it), play with my kids every time they ask me (and I know the time is fleeting), volunteer at the schools, know my children's teachers names (I only know Luke's teacher's name); take vacations regularly, take the children to church every Sunday, read the kids a book every night, make them brush their teeth every night, and many other things.

Instead, I've reached the conclusion (for myself anyway) that no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to do everything. I have a family, I have a career, I have a social life. I am far from being super-mom, I will not excel spectacularly as an attorney, and I will never be a socialite. I have come to appreciate the fact that I work hard to be good at all three things, but I will never ever be excellent at all three. And so, I hate to admit that I've somewhat given up that burning desire inside myself to be everything all at once. And that unshakable confidence that led me to believe that I can do anything I want to do, has been shaken. I've come to accept that I have made sacrifices in my career and in my personal life to have the life I have now, and quite frankly, "it's a wonderful life," to borrow a quote from George Bailey.


Angie said...

Wait...where am I?....for a second there I thought I was writing on my own blog because your confession felt like it was straight out of my mouth.

I know that I can't do it all (another thing I feel guilty about) but I can't seem to ever remind myself of that. Your post not only made me laugh out loud but it was also a VERY GOOD reminder for me.
Thanks for that....I really needed it, especially today.

Joan said...

Thank you for the birthday wish. No one can do it all. Don't let some SAHM feed you that crap. Thre are things we all choose to do because it is important to us. I would rather do posters and homemade holy cards than clean or wash dishes (thank heavens for teenagers). And although I worked most of my birthday - it was a great day doing what I love.