Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Boys are gross

As I have mentioned before, Luke is 5 going on 15. It kills me that the whole "boy" thing kicks in so early. He is fascinated by his penis, cars, guns, and Star Wars. I seriously don't get boys, but at least it provides me with plenty of laughs to go along with the groans.

This morning while he was changing clothes in my living room in front of the TV, he pulled off his pants and underwear at the same time so that his undies were still in place inside his pants. (I know you can picture it. And we won't get into why he was changing clothes in the living room. Suffice it to say that we're still trying to explain modesty to him.) He gazed into his pants and cracked a little grin. He looked at me mischeiviously. I squinted my eyes at him and cautiously asked, "What?"

He grinned wider.

Realization dawned on me. I sighed and asked with resignation, "Is there poop in your underwear?"

He grinned even wider and nodded.

I groaned, "Gross! Ugh!"

He laughed, dropped his nasty pants, and proceeded to sit his dirty butt down on my carpet and try to put on his clean underwear.

Me, "Wait! Don't put your dirty butt on my carpet!"

He looked over his shoulder at me, which I swear, caused his dirty butt to crack open even more over my carpet. I cringed. He laughed more, looked back at his underwear, and put it on.

Me, "That's disgusting."

(Notice how I didn't suggest that he should take a bath or anything.)

Lindsey witnessed the entire transaction and felt compelled to tell me about her gross moment with him yesterday.

Apparently, he farted in the kitchen. She looked at him expectantly and he politely said, "Excuse me."

Half and hour later he farted in the living room. He continued playing with his toys and she again looked at him expectantly.

He said, "What?"

She cocked her head and said, "Eh, what do you say?"

He looked indignant and said, "I already said it in the kitchen."

She sighed my sigh and said, "Uh, yeah. You have to say 'excuse me' every time."

In true five-year-old-going-on-fifteen-year-old fashion, Luke acted annoyed and begrudgingly said, "Excuse me."

Apparently he thinks that one "Excuse me" can get you through the whole day.

Geez - boys.

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