Why I'm Annoying Right Now.

It has been a long week and it is time to tell you why my posts are so lame and I seem to be just plain annoying even to myself. (No comments on how I'm annoying all the time and not just right now.)

First, let me reassure you that Chuck and I are NOT getting a divorce. The children are all fine. Lindsey is fine. Chuck's job is fine (as far as I know). My job is fine - great even. Nonetheless, I am hesitant to post this because I don't want anyone to worry and it is weird sharing this with all of you out there on the internet. Still, it is what it is and must be dealt with in the same fashion and this is the very best way to inform everyone at the same time.

The thing is that I decided to start working out with a trainer a couple weeks ago . . . (Ha, ha! You think I'm just going to talk about being overweight, don't you? Well, that's not it. Keep reading.)

You know how every diet or workout program says, "Check with your physician before starting any diet or exercise program."? Well, I decided to actually do that even though everyone else (me included) usually ignores that advice. So, I went to the doctor and he said I'm just fine to work out doing whatever I want, BUT he discovered that I had an enlarged thyroid and scheduled me for a sonogram. I had the sonogram and a blood test and received the results on Monday. There are two things wrong with me: (1) I have multiple nodules in each side of my thyroid; and (2) increased liver enzyme.

Yes, I know what you're thinking: Theresa should cut out Champagne Thursday, Wine Wednesday, and every other day of drinking.

Well, you're probably right. Nonetheless, the enzyme level is not that high and the doctor did not mention anything about stopping drinking, but he did say I should stop exercising until we get the second blood test done. (I love having to not work out based on "doctor's orders"). My AST level is the one that is high (AST and ALT are the two different liver enzymes that were measured in my blood test). AST could be high if there is muscle damage almost anywhere in your body including the liver, but if your ALT is high then you definitely know your liver is damaged or not functioning correctly, or whatever. (Learned all this on the Internet, by the way, so it must be accurate). So, it turns out I'm probably just fine and chances are that my AST was elevated due to my increased exercise with the trainer. I stopped exercising this week and had my second blood test this morning. We'll see what happens.

With that said, I still cut out alcohol as soon as I found out there might be something wrong with my liver and freaked out on almost everyone around me about the possible implications - including my boss and my secretary - both of which were kind and supportive. I need to send a shout out to Ms. Chesapeake who, as a doctor, put my mind at ease about the level of seriousness involved. Thanks for that. I'm sorry I'm such a nut job.

As for the nodules, well, that is pretty common among people, and usually turns out to be nothing. Unfortunately (or fortunately), my mother is recovered from thyroid cancer and that means I'm at a higher risk for the nodules to actually be something (i.e. malignant). So, I will go to see an endocrinologist sometime in the near future and he/she will evaluate the nodules. Until then, we'll move on with a normal life.

Now, my favorite part of all this is the fact that the nodules are indicative of a "goiter"-- how funny is that?! That's right, I said "GOITER". That's what it said on the sonogram report! I can't believe this. I make fun of the word "goiter". I can't actually have a "goiter" and continue to make fun of the word and object can I? Goiter, goiter, goiter, goiter. Goiter! It is the funniest word for a big ass lump in your neck! Goiter. Okay, enough with the goiter talk, but try saying it really fast over and over and enjoy how it rolls off the tongue. I am officially a woman with a goiter! I may even change the title of my blog to "Mother with a Goiter." Let me know what you think.

So, wrapping up this post: There is no need to worry. Just repeat the word "goiter" and laugh about it. I'll keep you all updated on my progress. Until then, if I reduce my drinking or even, heaven forbid, decline the offer of an adult beverage, be aware that I AM NOT PREGNANT. (I stopped drinking on Monday and I've been asked about my maternal state no less than six times).