Well, we've had our first negative experience with the kids since George was born, and my poor heart is broken because of it.
Last night, Chuck picked up the kids from daycare and brought them home. Both kids walked into the living room where I was nursing George. While Chuck was upstairs changing clothes, I asked the kids how their day was. Instead of receiving informational tidbits about what they did at school all day, they began demanding attention. Luke wanted to watch a movie. I said, "Sure, in a little bit." He responded (with a whiney 4 year old voice), "Buuut, I wa-hant to watch it no-how." Me, "I've got to finish feeding George and then I'll put in a movie for you. Why don't you decide what you want to watch while you're waiting." Luke threw his shoulders down in defeat and collapsed next to me on the couch, "ugh huh!"
Then I turned my attention to Evie who had simultaneously been saying, "I'm hungry, Mommy." Me, "What's that, sweetheart?" Evie, "Mommy, I'm hungry." Me, "Okay, we'll get you some food in a minute. What do you want to eat?" Evie, "Kix." Me, "With milk or without?" Evie, "Without." Me, "Okay, I'll get it in a few minutes or Daddy will get it when he comes downstairs." Luke then distracted me with another request for a movie, and I reminded him to think about what he wanted. Instead of picking a movie, he openly complained about the program that was currently on the television - as if watching it caused his eyes to burn. Then Evie repeated in frustration, "Mommy, I'm hungry." indicating that I hadn't just had a conversation in which I promised to feed her. I responded (and here's where things go poorly), "Sweety, I'm busy feeding George right now, but when he is finished eating I will get you some Kix." Evie's bottom lip stuck out, she crossed her arms over her chest, bowed her head, and left the room in silent sobs as I called after her desperately, "Evie, sweety, I'm going to feed you, I just have to finish feeding George . . ." I trailed off as she left the room.
Chuck showed up just a minute later and I explained that I had upset Evie. He went off to find her since I didn't see where she had gone. Later Chuck told me that he found her sitting silently behind her door in her bedroom, in the dark, arms crossed, knees drawn up, head resting on knees, tears in her eyes. He asked her what was wrong, and she said with little sobs, "Mommy's too busy for me." And that was it. It broke my freakin' heart. Chuck smoothed things over, and I did my very best to snuggle with her that night, but I can't seem to shake the mommy-guilt. My poor baby girl. I hope this gets better once George transitions to formula.
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3 comments:
Don't beat yourself up there, Mommy. Amy was a year younger than Evie when the big bad Colt came along. I really played up the big sister aspect and encouraged all the independance I could. Cheering her on when she would help with putting a diaper in the diaper genie and patting Colt on the back to burp him AND when she would get her own snacks. I put some kid friendly containers with just her stuff in it, none for the Coltieman, just Amy stuff. It helped tremendously, both with her feelings and my feeling of abandoning a child in favor of another one, even though I didn't abandon either. Hang in there!
Aaawwwww. Theresa - it will be o-k. You did the best you could do and the special time she got from you that evening was just what she needed. Who knows anyway, maybe she had a rough day at school too and it just pushed her over the edge at the moment. Don't worry - it will all work out in time and everyone will adjust. You are a great mom!
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